Connection Tales

John leads a small team in a role that is heavy on logistics. Lots of loading and unloading. Lots of making sure the right resources are available at the right time. Lots of planning ahead, and also responding to unplanned, urgent jobs. John told me the team didn’t show much initiative and often sat on the sidelines waiting to be tasked with something. John finds that frustrating and often takes over jobs himself, or criticises the lack of action. He reckoned the situation was getting worse.

We talked in more detail and it turned out that the team also does lots of good and timely work. John started to connect with the good work the team was doing. He started recognising efforts and thanking the team for them. Over a couple of weeks the team has become much more proactive. John has connected with what’s good about his team, and what motivates them. The team is responding.

A senior leader described dealing with a serious complaint. It didn’t go well and escalated in unhelpful ways. As we talked though it he could see a lack of connection between the people involved and with the problem. The person making the complaint felt dismissed and disrespected. Why? Probably because the conversation went too quickly to solving the problem. There were some unavoidable constraints. He explained those in detail. When we do that before we really hear and understand the problem, it feels dismissive and defensive. Connecting with what matters for the person, taking the time to deeply listen and understand, gets us to a place where a solution can be properly discussed.

In both examples the leader is trying to get a good outcome as quickly as possible. That’s understandable and desirable. There’s an enormous amount of time and task pressure for most leaders. Sometimes we need to slow down, connect and then go for the outcome. It feels slower, but connection ultimately gets us there quicker and the outcomes are more sustainable.

Where and how could you do a better job of connection? Who do you know who does that really well?

The People Around Us

She greeted us in the hotel lobby and enthusiastically told us about shopping tours, great places to eat, and sights to see. Two days later, in conversation, we found out that she had a PhD in Nuclear Physics and a number of years working in that field. Why are you working in a hotel after so much time studying and working we asked. Turns out that the career opportunities available locally involved working with higher risk radioactivity. Safer opportunities meant reestablishing in Europe. She wanted to be closer to home and family. Over our time in the hotel, I saw some other guests speaking to her as if she was stupid, and being disrespectful and demanding - a classic case of book and cover!

Over many years of working in and around for purpose organisations, I’m often amazed at the backgrounds of people who come to for purpose work. Some have long careers in the sector, but many come with a diverse range of skills, qualifications and backgrounds.

I’ve always found it fascinating and worthwhile to explore beyond people’s surface story (when they are happy to do so). Often we find interesting connections and motivations for being where they are now. Sometimes we find ways to work with people that go beyond the basic assumptions of the role, and make the most of their experience.

How well do you know and engage with the people in your team/organisation?

P.S. I have no idea if the equations in the image are representative of physics - someone out there will know!

A Standing Ovation

I saw a great post this week of a leader receiving a standing ovation and as he walked down between 2 rows of his team heading for the exit on his last day. The celebration was warm, genuine and emotional. People were cheering, slapping him on the back, hugging him and crying as he walked the guard of honour. I know nothing of the man or his work, but he had clearly made a massive impression and impact on his colleagues and team. I suspect he was a master at some of the core ingredients of building trust and psychological safety in a high performing team.

• Competence - in a professional environment, connection is important, but you also need to be able to get the job done.

• Warmth - we judge people in a heartbeat, way faster than they can demonstrate their competence. Warmth means you care and genuinely connect with people as people, not assets or resources. The easiest and quickest way to do this is make eye contact and smile.

• Integrity - do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it. Competence and warmth won’t be enough to continue building trust and psychological safety if you don’t follow through. (PS, this also means being good at saying “No” - more on that later)

• Connection - beyond your warm smile, is connection. Getting to know team members, what they care about, what they aspire to, what their challenges are, where they shine and where they need support not only show you care, but also help in building high performance.

• Clarity - Great leaders add clarity to everything- roles, boundaries, timeframes, measures of success, standards and more.

I reckon that standing ovation was built on these ingredients. And the beauty is they are all skills which means they can be learnt and improved by anyone. Which of them could use some attention in your world?

Smiling: The Simplest Super Power

We were heading into an awkward moment, neither sure what to do next. I was being served by an older Malay woman in a store in Kuala Lumpur. Her limited English was way better than my limited Bahasa, so it was the language we were using. I asked a question, and despite our best efforts together, I couldn’t make it clear, and she couldn’t understand. We were both getting a little frustrated, not with each other, but with our mutual misunderstanding. I smiled. She smiled back. We laughed. It was a moment of human connection. Frustration dissipated. We tried again with more success.

According to some researchers, trust in a workplace has 2 components - Warmth and Competence. Warmth = approachability and safety. Competence = We’ll be able to get the job done. We humans judge warmth in milliseconds. Competence takes longer to establish. But guess what… If we are already seen as warm, we are more likely to be seen as competent too. A genuine smile is one of the fastest ways we have of conveying warmth. Smiling more is a simple super power to build trust and open the door for Psychological Safety.

It’s easy to forget when under pressure, in a hurry or dealing with contentious topics. And it’s also all the more important. Experiment with smiling more, I’d love to hear your results.

4 C’s for the Big Picture

There was one rock to miss. It was right in the middle of the raging river drawing my kayak to it like a magnet. I bounced off it hard, somehow managing to stay in the boat. I was rattled and the next few minutes were frantically reactive. I lost my awareness of the river, instead focussing on what was right in front of me. When a similar thing happens to pilots, they call it ‘getting behind the plane’. Decisions come late and each error compounds into the next. The ‘big picture’ disappears.

When many of my clients and friends in Western Australia describe business/life at the moment, it has the same feel. In many ways we are late to the Global COVID party. Now it’s here. Many clients work in disability and aged care services and now have positive cases. There’s deep concern for the wellbeing of people they provide services to and their staff. It’s rapidly evolving. Decisions have real consequences. They are reacting to a daily shifting landscape.

When we end up reactive and working ‘close to our nose’, just like the paddler and pilot, we lose perspective. Work seems somehow harder and less meaningful as reactivity forces us away from purpose and meaning - just dealing with the next thing.

Leaders can mitigate some of this for themselves and the people they lead with 4 C’s

• Clarity - rather the crystal clear version of clarity, think lighthouse in a thick fog. If a clear picture is not possible, provide clarity about direction and things to avoid. Give people clear priorities that reduce the pressure of decision making in the heat of the moment.

• Communication - talk to the team and keep them informed. It’s almost impossible to over communicate in high consequence fast moving environments. Make it as clear and brief as possible.

• Connection - Links to purpose/mission, each other and a sense of hope can all erode if playing too close to your nose. Be kind. Show you care. Value results. Remind each other of purpose. 

• Calm - The US Navy SEALs say ‘Calm is contagious’. Whatever the situation, panic or calm are choices. One advantage of a team is that when I am losing it, you will be calm. That will calm me. Later, I will share my calm with you. Breathe and slow down a little. We can easily get caught up in fever pitch. 

If you could benefit from the 4C’s right now, reach out. It would be my pleasure to give you some time. Book via the link or return email.