Connection Tales

John leads a small team in a role that is heavy on logistics. Lots of loading and unloading. Lots of making sure the right resources are available at the right time. Lots of planning ahead, and also responding to unplanned, urgent jobs. John told me the team didn’t show much initiative and often sat on the sidelines waiting to be tasked with something. John finds that frustrating and often takes over jobs himself, or criticises the lack of action. He reckoned the situation was getting worse.

We talked in more detail and it turned out that the team also does lots of good and timely work. John started to connect with the good work the team was doing. He started recognising efforts and thanking the team for them. Over a couple of weeks the team has become much more proactive. John has connected with what’s good about his team, and what motivates them. The team is responding.

A senior leader described dealing with a serious complaint. It didn’t go well and escalated in unhelpful ways. As we talked though it he could see a lack of connection between the people involved and with the problem. The person making the complaint felt dismissed and disrespected. Why? Probably because the conversation went too quickly to solving the problem. There were some unavoidable constraints. He explained those in detail. When we do that before we really hear and understand the problem, it feels dismissive and defensive. Connecting with what matters for the person, taking the time to deeply listen and understand, gets us to a place where a solution can be properly discussed.

In both examples the leader is trying to get a good outcome as quickly as possible. That’s understandable and desirable. There’s an enormous amount of time and task pressure for most leaders. Sometimes we need to slow down, connect and then go for the outcome. It feels slower, but connection ultimately gets us there quicker and the outcomes are more sustainable.

Where and how could you do a better job of connection? Who do you know who does that really well?

Thank You, NFP Leaders,

NFP Leaders, especially those in NDIS or aged care have had a tough year. Sending them some encouragement and support as the year closes out. If you know someone in this sector, send them a message of support. They do critically important work in our community.

What’s the key?

Two leaders from the High Impact Mentor program spoke to me about AHA moments this month. 

Both of them saw something in a new way and it changed everything. Both were frustrated and dissatisfied in their work and were finding their focus with staff getting dragged into more and more unnecessary detail. They felt overwhelmed. They felt they were not getting the best from their staff. They wondered if leadership was for them. 

The key for both of them was shifting their mindset from trying to control the people around them, to getting better at influencing the people around them. The work load hasn’t changed, but both are feeling lighter. One of them looked physically less tired and more relaxed than he had just a few weeks earlier. When I asked him what had changed, he said, “ I just changed how I was looking at everything, and now everything has changed”.

Moments like these are why I do the work I do. When leaders raise their capacity, the capacity of everyone around them also rises..

If you or someone on your team could use a change like that, send me an email. I’d love to help.

The People Around Us

She greeted us in the hotel lobby and enthusiastically told us about shopping tours, great places to eat, and sights to see. Two days later, in conversation, we found out that she had a PhD in Nuclear Physics and a number of years working in that field. Why are you working in a hotel after so much time studying and working we asked. Turns out that the career opportunities available locally involved working with higher risk radioactivity. Safer opportunities meant reestablishing in Europe. She wanted to be closer to home and family. Over our time in the hotel, I saw some other guests speaking to her as if she was stupid, and being disrespectful and demanding - a classic case of book and cover!

Over many years of working in and around for purpose organisations, I’m often amazed at the backgrounds of people who come to for purpose work. Some have long careers in the sector, but many come with a diverse range of skills, qualifications and backgrounds.

I’ve always found it fascinating and worthwhile to explore beyond people’s surface story (when they are happy to do so). Often we find interesting connections and motivations for being where they are now. Sometimes we find ways to work with people that go beyond the basic assumptions of the role, and make the most of their experience.

How well do you know and engage with the people in your team/organisation?

P.S. I have no idea if the equations in the image are representative of physics - someone out there will know!

Movement Matters

We’ve all been there. Standing. Waiting. Wondering. It sucks, doesn’t it!

In this bus queue we were wondering why the full bus wasn’t leaving and why four more buses were standing empty.

In traffic and supermarkets we change to the lanes that seem to be moving quickest.

Psychologists call it Progress Theory - If we are not making progress, we feel frustrated. If we are making progress, we feel better.

It matters in organisations too. In their 2011 book “The Progress Principle” Kramer and Amabile said, “Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work. And the more frequently people experience that sense of progress, the more likely they are to be creatively productive in the long run.”

Leaders have an important role to play in this sense of progress. If you are stuck on the hamster wheel of an ever growing to-do list, there’s a good chance you are missing a deep well of engagement and motivation for your team (and yourself).

If you lead in a ‘For Purpose” organisation, the progress principle is an even more powerful lever.

How are you using it?

Which direction and how?

Direction over detail is well and good if you know where you are going. Alice (in Wonderland) asked that cat which way she should go. She didn't care where she would end up. The cat reckoned in that case, direction didn't matter. Quite right!

I facilitated a conversation recently where big changes are afoot for an organisation with a long, proud and effective history. The conversation was about creating an ideal future within the inevitable changes.

The leaders and team did a great job of looking forward. They:

• Acknowledged and celebrated past success.

• Identified aspects of their organisation/work that they did not want to lose or compromise in the change.

• Articulated the likely limits to their future, including considering what is happening for their stakeholders.

• Laid out a high level plan for their future, which adds value and insulates from irrelevance.

• Framed their propositions thoughtfully, highlighting value to stakeholders rather than just making a wish list.

There’s a lot of detail to be added, but in less than 2 hours they have the bones of a solid future.

The risk in such a conversation is people getting stuck in the past rather than looking forward. They could have lamented the situation, complained, pushed back against inevitable shifts and fought over irrelevant detail. They did not. It was a great working example of Direction over Detail.

Epiphany

I love a good Aha moment. I had one last week when I was preparing to talk to a group of leaders. I was angry and ruminating on an interaction where the outcome had put me under unexpected pressure. I had to pick up more of a job than I was supposed to because the other person didn’t follow through at their end. It left me scrambling to keep the balls in the air.

So there I am, preparing to talk to leaders about dealing with pressure. Under pressure myself, and not dealing with it particularly well. I was playing the interactions with the other person over and over in my head, doing the things we humans do when we feel slighted. Pointing the finger of blame. Stewing rather than acting. Feeling wronged. Enrolling others in the drama. Burning precious time and emotional energy. Going nowhere.

The epiphany came as I thought about my session with leaders. I was talking about “Grinding the Gorge” where survival groups walk up and down trying to establish exactly where they are, rather than making forward progress. I’d never thought about rumination as an example of Grinding the Gorge but it is. AHA! I used the story in my presentation. My advice in situations like that is to value Direction over Detail. The details feel important, don’t they? We want to be right. We want acknowledgement of the slight and the impact. Usually there's a lot more going on and it’s less intentional than we think it is.

For me Valuing Direction took a mental shift from the detail (he said, she said) to the short term action needed and the bigger picture of what I wanted the relationship with the other person to be. I focussed my time, effort and communication there. Progress is being made. Next time I find myself grinding the gorge called rumination, I reckon I’ll exit much more quickly.

Where could your leadership benefit from a shift to Direction over Detail?

Bush to Boardroom, does it translate?

At a breakfast presentation this week for Quorum I was asked two great questions:

First Question - In survival scenarios, is there a group attribute that makes you smile, because you know the group will succeed?

Groups who take the time to discuss and make explicit their expectations of each other and the situation always outperform. It’s counter intuitive. It feels too slow, and not sufficiently focussed on the outcome. It can be frustrating, because alignment doesn’t happen immediately - things that seemed clearly agreed may need further discussion and exploration. However, the larger the shared narrative and understanding a group has the faster they can act, decide, resolve conflict, distribute tasks. Everything becomes faster and more efficient.

Second Question - Does that observation translate from the Bush to the Boardroom?

Yes! And to every ‘room’ where 2 or more people are attempting to work together for a shared purpose/result. In the boardroom it might mean unpacking what we mean by strategy, or clearly understanding where the division of board guidance and executive function lies. It might mean discussing where our focus should lie. It might mean clearly articulating contrary views and genuinely exploring the nuance of perspective and opinion.

In any situation, the clearer we can be about what is important to us, how we will conduct ourselves as we pursue it, and what success looks like, the faster we can implement.

A lack of alignment usually shows up as either conflict or disengagement. Observe those, lean in, and add clarity.

Direction over Detail

If you’ve navigated by topographic map in complex terrain, at some point you’ve stopped making forward progress while you try to work out exactly where you are. I’ve done it many times, and almost every group on our survival courses did it at least once. There’s two ways it happens:

1. We feel uncertain about where we are and attempt to regain certainty by pinpointing our exact location.

2. We feel certain about where we are (but are wrong), and bend our reading of the map to suit our perception.

Forward progress either slows or stops entirely, and the focus shifts to ever finer detail. I see the same thing happen to teams and leaders (and yep, I’ve done that version too). We burrow into detail to justify current effort, or make ourselves busy trying to perfect things that will never be perfect. Busyness goes up, progress goes down.

In the map scenario, direction is often the answer. On one challenging walk in the Pilbara, we spent ages going slow trying to justify our position and getting more exhausted and frustrated by it. If we had just walked East, we would hit a North/South water course that was unambiguous and unmissable. East was the way we were going and we were planning to follow that water course!

In teams and workplaces the answer is the same. Get clear on direction and favour progress in that direction over nailing the detail. The detail becomes clear as you make progress. It feels much more enjoyable too.

P.S. This is not a reason to avoid or gloss over detail when it is important. Listen to your specialist communications, risk, compliance and audit teams. Just be sure to keep moving.

Top 4 Mistakes when Preparing for Challenging Situations

Challenging situations come in many shapes and sizes. At work or time might be disrupted by something urgent. It could be a complaint, an equipment failure, someone being off sick, or an unexpected critical deadline. It might be relational like giving difficult feedback or correcting an error. It might be in your personal life like a family member getting sick, a contentious parent teacher interview, or a conversation with a difficult ex over the kids.

Bottom line is there are some situations we find more challenging than others. Last week, I highlighted visualisation as a great way to prepare. Here are the top 4 mistakes that people make when doing that:

1. Wishin’ and Hopin’ - even when you are pretty sure it won’t go smoothly, you just launch in and hope it will be OK, then feel surprised when it goes badly. The investment of a bit of time visualising your options in response to likely variables is well spent.

2. One Shot - only visualising one possible version of events. If any other version happens, you’ll be unprepared and surprised again. Pick 4 possible ways the situation could go on a continuum of “smoothly and well” to “terrible”.Visualise a version of each. How will you be feeling? What will you be doing or saying? What words or actions are coming from the other person/s?

3. Horror Movie - replaying past situations that didn’t go well and you wish you had showed up differently. Often we increase the impact of these negative images of ourselves and our capability with highly critical self talk. Act like a director. Say ‘CUT’ when you notice yourself negatively rehearsing and then replay the scene with you acting as you would have liked to have done.

4. Weird Energy - we can easily come in too hyped or too chilled. Each situation will have an ideal energy. Will you be calm, assertive, conciliatory, loud, quiet, listening, speaking? What is the ideal energy for the situation, and your preferred version of how it plays out.

Watch how these play out before your next moment of pressure. Rehearse well, Act well!

Right to disconnect

I keep running into leaders who say “I choose to do a lot of my work after hours and send lots of emails at night or the weekend. I don’t expect my staff to respond, but they do.”

If you do this it will set the expectation for many of your staff to respond, even if you explicitly state that you don’t expect them too. Expectations come from many sources:

• Notifications - if someone has their phone around them all the time, and notifications on, at the very least, they’ll see the message come in. Even if they choose not to respond, it will be on their mind.

• Standards - You are working after hours which sets an expectation that others should too, especially if you hold a senior position.

• Boundaries -  Some people and cultures have difficulty saying no to others. If you breach their boundaries, they’ll respond. 

• Old ways - It used to be said ‘never leave the office before the boss’. It’s changing, but it’s an enduring idea. If you are working any hours, it easily morphs to ‘don’t knock off before the boss’.

• Behaviour - You may not expect a response, but if you get one, do you respond again? This draws staff into an after hours discussion that your behaviour reinforces, even if you say you don’t expect it.

The new legislation is likely to get some leaders in strife for after hours emails like this, regardless of what they say about expectations. There’s a dead easy solution. All email platforms have a timed or delayed send feature. Learn to use it! Write your emails whenever it suits you, then set it to send during working hours. Simple, cleaner, better.

Don’t let legislation lead

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, you’ll know that WHS legislation has recently changed in Australia to include psychosocial hazards. Organisations now have a legislated responsibility to ensure that people are safe from undue psychological impacts of work. As of this week, there's been additions to enshrine people’s right to disconnect from work, meaning they cant be compelled to respond to out of hours communication unless it is unreasonable (e.g. when you are on call, or under a specific set of conditions for a limited time)

You could take the approach of finding out what the new rules are and then follow the legislative lead. That will take you down a rabbit hole of minimum standards and a compliance mindset. A better approach is to build the culture you and your team want/need for optimal performance and then create it together. The standard you set will be much greater than the minimum required, and will have the added bonus of boosting engagement and performance. 

Which Why?

A senior leader team I was working with this week spent time sharing their individual “User Manual”. Some great insights about how and where people work best, their preferences for information, building trust, working hours and more were shared. Super valuable. A common theme was that for them to commit time, effort and resources to something, they needed to know why. Makes sense - few if any of us like wasting time on work that doesn’t seem relevant. Whole books have been written on “why”. But which why? Those leaders articulated 5 different types of why:

• Large, audacious ‘change the world’ vision/mission why

• Large organisational purpose why

• Personal mission why

• Tactical ‘how does this relate to the rest of my/our work?’ why

• Unrelated to the organisation whys like family, health, travel, personal growth, freedom, balance, choice.

All the leaders wanted to know why. They all agreed that knowing why was fundamental to alignment of effort. But not all of them wanted to know the same why. A challenge to alignment is we tend to articulate importance through our own why and huddle with others who share that perspective. An effective leader works to understand the different whys in their team and works with people to align effort with the why that most interests them.

There’s a good chance that most of the whys you work with are in the list above. There’s also a good chance I’ve missed some. What would you add?

Compliance is not enough

Monday’s ABC Four Corners program "Don't Speak" has cast a spotlight on the critical issue of workplace bullying and the harmful culture of silence that persists in many organisations. People sometimes ask for clear examples of the kind of behaviour that the Psychosocial Hazards updates to Work Health and Safety legislation cover. The 4 Corners “Don’t Speak” program gives many clear examples across the full spectrum. It serves as a stark reminder of the devastating consequences when these risks are ignored, including severe mental health impacts and, in the worst cases, loss of life. We need to do better!

Organisations are already starting to see action based on the new laws. But guess what - changing legislation on its own, won't change behaviour. 

As in physical safety, exemplar organisations have already embedded culture which supports speaking up, asking questions, encouraging diversity, respect, and valuing contribution. They go way beyond compliance, embedding psychological safety and responsibility as key ingredients of high performance.

There’s many practical ways to do exactly that. What does your organisation do about it?

If you’d like a hand with it in your teams, let me know I’d be delighted to assist.

Clarity is Performance Fuel

Photo by Solen Feyissa on Unsplash

When it’s clear what you are doing, a solid performance becomes much more likely. The opposite is also true - a lack of clarity makes it very difficult to perform. The Olympics are on at the moment, and we are witnessing amazing feats of human performance by some incredible athletes (Go Aussies! - just sayin’).

These are humans who have dedicated themselves to a very clear outcome and have trained specifically for it for 4 years or more. Great work teams have clarity too. They know what they are working toward, as well as what each person’s role is within the team.

When clarity is missing, commitment rapidly dissolves. People initially attempt to deliver, partly in an attempt to gain clarity. But over time their commitment wanes. Imagine training for the Olympics, but being told regularly that the discipline you will be competing in has been changed. The novelty would appeal for a while, but it would get demotivating pretty quickly.

One of the imperatives of leadership is to add clarity whenever possible. How do you do that in your team?

Conduct: Low Hanging Fruit

Christine Porath has been researching incivility in the workplace for almost 3 decades. She defines it as “...seemingly inconsequential inconsiderate words and deeds that violate accepted norms of workplace conduct…”. It’s the small, slightly rude acts we do and experience - things like eye rolls, sarcasm, harsh words, snappiness. The stuff we can all do especially when we are tired and stressed.

Porath says it’s on the rise. In 1998 she found around 25% of people experienced regular rudeness at work. In 2005 it was almost 50%. By 2022 it was over 75%. An alarming pattern.

I often ask teams about the pattern in their own workplace. 98% say there's some level of rudeness. Over 70% say they do it occasionally when they lose their cool, and that they regret it later. A fair portion of us do it to ourselves with harsh negative criticism and self talk when we disappoint ourselves in some way (I know I do).

So if it's rarely deliberate why is it growing? Rudeness easily provokes a “Tit for tat” dynamic. The more we experience it, the more likely we are to bite back or pay it forward. That adds further to stress, which makes it even more likely that we’ll behave that way.

If you want a high performing team, there’s enormous value in naming this stuff. Talking about where and how it happens, and discussing ways to reduce it. In the same way that rudeness is contagious, so is kindness. It’s an easy, high ROI element of conduct that teams can turn to their advantage.

If you like to know more about how rudeness shows up, its impacts and what to do about it, I’d love to hear from you.

A Tale of Two Teams

I’ve worked in and with a lot of different teams. Each of them had a unique way of operating together. While there were some similarities, none were the same. One of the best ‘team health’ gauges is commitment.

In one team, no one was committed to their teammates. People would actively sabotage work and make each other look bad to gain advantage. It was like an episode of Survivor. Commitment was transitory and only ever for defence or advantage. It was a horrible place to work. Everyone was focussed on who was plotting what.

On another team, commitment was high. We would go out of our way to support each other to get results. Success was celebrated together. People willingly put in extra effort for each other. Everyone was focussed on getting the best outcomes. In both situations the leader was a very active participant in setting the team dynamic and culture, and the team echoed and amplified the standard they set. Both dynamics were also strongly self reinforcing.

Where does commitment lie in your team? If you want optimal performance, there will be tangible commitment to the team (each other), the task (what we are doing?) and the organisation and/or purpose (what are we here for?). Good leaders model and encourage commitment.

Running Light

If you are a runner (or train any other sport) you will know how tantalising and difficult it is to achieve a Personal Best (PB). Sometimes months go by and it seems impossible to get even close to your previous PB. I was talking to my good friend Lisa Dobrin recently about her running. Lisa runs regularly, is a yoga practitioner and has done several marathons in. She knows how to train, but for a long while PB’s were unobtainable. 

Recently she’s switched her focus from effort or technique and started focusing on running light. She’s been ignoring pace and other measures of effort, and focussing on light footfalls, feeling light, buoyant posture and mental lightness. Lisa said it’s been a fun experiment and out of the blue she’s hit several  significant PB’s like stripping 19 seconds off her best ever 1km pace. If you are a runner, you’ll know how epic that is. 

Most interesting to me, Lisa described it as almost effortless. It got me thinking about what results we might achieve in any area of life by focusing on ‘running light’, shedding unnecessary load or effort. How could you apply that concept to your life, relationships, leadership and work? And if you are a runner looking for a different way to train for a while, it could be worth a dabble.

Clarity precedes commitment

While I was working as a survival instructor, we emphasised over and over again the importance of water as one of the 5 survival priorities. Participating in an advanced exercise, we encountered a smelly, slimy pool covered with bubbly green algae. It didn’t look drinkable. But parting the layer of green sludge revealed slowly flowing, almost clear water. Clarifying it by straining through fabric, then boiling to purify, and it was perfectly drinkable. It took a while to convince the rest of the group that it was a better option than walking further with an unknown distance to our next water source.

There are similarities in the workplace. Like the group facing that sludgy looking pool, sometimes we need clarification before we commit. Clarification is a key role of leaders at all levels (even if you are an unofficial leader).

On Friday I was working with a CEO and Board discussing their strategy. They are pursuing organic growth by being exemplary at what they do (it’s working well). They also want to grow by acquisition. The nature of their industry means potential acquisitions are a rare find. The CEO was seeking guidance from the board about how aggressively to pursue the acquisition strategy. He mapped a provocative ‘worst case’ to see how the board reacted. Initially the discussion resembled the survival group around the skanky pond - wrinkled noses and obvious discomfort. As the conversation progressed, there was more and more clarity. By the end, the Board and the CEO had a crystal clear understanding about their approach. Ambiguity gone. Alignment achieved.

As a leader, in any situation, it’s worth asking “How can I add clarity to this interaction?”

Minor Changes?

Three stories from real people in real businesses this week:

• An engineer was plagued with constant ‘minor changes’ requested by a client. The engineering needs to be precise because of the loads on the structure. Relatively minor changes equal a full redo of the calculations and drawings.

• A highly customised vehicle had to be upgraded. The old model was no longer available. When the new one finally arrived, it didn’t fit in the shed.

• During an approval process a commitment was made to do things a certain way. When regulators made their inspection something completely different was happening. The original commitment had not been passed on to the operational team. The project may be suspended.

• A piece of public paving near my place was completed and dug up 6 times in one year because roads were changed, trees were planted, cables were shifted, water pipes were replaced etc.

We’ve all had experiences like these where one part of an organisation seems really badly informed about decisions others are making. At worst this leads to massive do-overs and significant frustration. I reckon it’s a compounding situation right now.

People’s to - do lists are so hectic, that they are focussed on what is right in front of them. Taking the time to ask for input from others and/or keep them informed can easily feel like a distraction from our primary focus. It’s false economy. I wonder what percentage of work across the planet is caused by a lack of cohesion, collaboration and communication. It must amount to a massive cost in time, dollars, resources and energy.

If you lead, take the time to slow down and facilitate the connections with people. Everything will go faster.