Top 4 Mistakes when Preparing for Challenging Situations

Challenging situations come in many shapes and sizes. At work or time might be disrupted by something urgent. It could be a complaint, an equipment failure, someone being off sick, or an unexpected critical deadline. It might be relational like giving difficult feedback or correcting an error. It might be in your personal life like a family member getting sick, a contentious parent teacher interview, or a conversation with a difficult ex over the kids.

Bottom line is there are some situations we find more challenging than others. Last week, I highlighted visualisation as a great way to prepare. Here are the top 4 mistakes that people make when doing that:

1. Wishin’ and Hopin’ - even when you are pretty sure it won’t go smoothly, you just launch in and hope it will be OK, then feel surprised when it goes badly. The investment of a bit of time visualising your options in response to likely variables is well spent.

2. One Shot - only visualising one possible version of events. If any other version happens, you’ll be unprepared and surprised again. Pick 4 possible ways the situation could go on a continuum of “smoothly and well” to “terrible”.Visualise a version of each. How will you be feeling? What will you be doing or saying? What words or actions are coming from the other person/s?

3. Horror Movie - replaying past situations that didn’t go well and you wish you had showed up differently. Often we increase the impact of these negative images of ourselves and our capability with highly critical self talk. Act like a director. Say ‘CUT’ when you notice yourself negatively rehearsing and then replay the scene with you acting as you would have liked to have done.

4. Weird Energy - we can easily come in too hyped or too chilled. Each situation will have an ideal energy. Will you be calm, assertive, conciliatory, loud, quiet, listening, speaking? What is the ideal energy for the situation, and your preferred version of how it plays out.

Watch how these play out before your next moment of pressure. Rehearse well, Act well!

Quick Way to Reduce Stress

Breathing has long been known to reduce stress. In my first book “Thrive and Adapt” I recommend rhythmic breathing as a quick way to get back to clarity, presence and focus in moments of pressure. At the time I wrote it, that was the most evidence based tactic I could find. Turns out there’s an even more effective approach called the Physiological Sigh.

How? Take a long, deep inhale through the nose. Follow immediately with a second short sharp inhale through the nose. Then ‘sigh’ a very long exhale through the mouth.

There’s lots of evidence based research suggesting this is the fastest way to de-stress in a moment of pressure. It also has a number of great benefits for respiratory system health.

The Guerrilla Mindfulness tactic in “Thrive and Adapt” has 3 steps:

1. Take 3 long slow rhythmic breaths in and out. Focus on rhythm.

2. Say how you feel.

3. State your intention for what you are doing, or are about to do.

Practice in transitions. Use it anywhere. In light of this more current information, I suggest amending step 1 to a Physiological Sigh.

I’d love to know how you find it in practice.

Image by yeison bueno from Pixabay

P.S. If you’d like a free chapter of Thrive and Adapt about Guerrilla Mindfulness, send me a message and I’ll email it to you.

P.S.S. If you’d like to take a deep dive into actionable research about breathing, this 2.5hr episode of the Huberman Lab goes into great detail about the Physiological Sigh and other breathing tactics.

Break Back to Back

Guess what! Back to back virtual meetings cause elevated stress levels. Recent research from Microsoft confirms it, but none of us are surprised. Anyone who has leapt from one “Brady Bunch” screen to another has felt it.

Microsoft scanned the brains of 14 people as they went back-to-back, compared to taking a 5 to 10 minute break between meetings. Back to back = elevated and sustained stress levels (Red/Yellow scan). Short breaks = minimal stress (Blue scan).

And while the research focuses on virtual meetings, I reckon it would hold true for face to face ones as well (although at least there is a short decompression as you move from one to the other.)

Elevated stress smashes our ability to think, decide, solve, communicate, and collaborate. Most of those meetings require one or more of these from us. As a survival instructor, creating ‘task saturation’ was a really easy way to create duress for a team on a survival course. Impose a tight deadline, swamp them with information, ask for clear decisions and plans, hit them with distractions and before long the stress levels are through the roof and mistakes are made. That adds even more pressure, as now the team has to solve problems it has created for itself. Now add conflict (or at least friction/tension) as people get shorter and sharper with each other. Does this sound familiar?

We can do better. And we need to. This stuff has a direct impact on bottom line. In Australia there have also been recent changes to Work Health and Safety that put greater responsibility for workplace mental health and wellbeing on employers. This stuff has a pretty clear cause and effect chain. There are known health consequences of sustained levels of unhealthy stress. Back to Back environments may well end up in similar territory of allowing employees to operate in dangerous environments when fatigued. In a tight recruitment market, being a better place to work will also be a competitive edge. Proactively addressing this problem makes sense on many fronts.

Potential system solutions:

• Set calendar systems to make meetings 25 min rather than 30, or 50 min rather than 1hr.

• Set 2 or 3, 15 to 20 minute break blocks per day where none can book anyone for anything.

Potential style solutions:

• Have some meetings standing up/walking, and outside.

• Lead by example. Take mini breaks. Encourage others to do the same.

Potential working solutions:

• Give people greater say in the meetings that they attend, or at least ask ‘why do we need this meeting?’

• Get clear about what the meeting is for. If it’s not clear, can it.

People are generally experiencing higher than normal levels of fatigue, stress and burnout. “Push Through!” is a valid answer in short burn situations. It doesn’t work in longer burn ones.

Let’s create an environment where we all scan ‘Blue’.

It’s a Fine Line

In a number of coaching and workshop experiences in the last few weeks, people have talked about being right on the edge of being overwhelmed. If that’s you at the moment, I feel you! Overwhelm is a state any of us can get into. When I arrive there, I sometimes feel like there’s no way out (or at least no easily visible one). It can easily feel as if one thing is piling on top of another. Last week we discussed control. Sometimes It can feel as if we don’t have much. 

One of the sources of stress comes from blurring the line between control and influence.

How we feel, act, and think are in our direct control (to a large degree - there are times when more reactive parts of our brain and physiology take over - that’s a topic for later). How others feel, act and think are in their control. If we try to control outcomes with others it will eventually do our head in. At best we can influence others. Depending on the situation, the people involved and your standing with them, the influence might be high or low. Either way, it’s not direct control. 

A practical way to reduce stress is to acknowledge the line between control and influence. When we recognise that we are in a ‘game’ of influence, it helps to reduce stress when things don’t work out exactly as we expect.  

How well do you manage that distinction?

Next week: Doing Influence well

Mental Health, Stress and Mindset with Mark Butler

This week’s conversation was with Mark Butler, specialist in workplace mental health. We discussed returning to work after lock down, practical things leaders and organisations can do to address the roughly 30% of people who will return to work with significant mental health distress. If you’d like to contact Mark for more information visit his website or email him directly at: mark@markbutler.com.au.

And to watch our earlier sessions, you may check on the playlist here.

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Here's our line-up for the coming weeks: 

June 10 

Grant "Axe" Rawlinson - A Kiwi based in Singapore and an adventurer that makes the stuff I have done look mild. He played international rugby and has over 50 expeditions across the globe under his belt including walking across countries, cycling across continents, climbing Mt Everest and crossing sea's completely by human-power. We'll talk decision-making, goals in uncertainty, mindset when all seems lost.

June 17

Shaun Nannup - Human being and Aboriginal Elder. Shaun connects people with powerful stories of belonging. Aboriginal people have culture dating back at least 60 000 years in Australia. Shaun and I will discuss connection, sustainability, and what's important when you are focussed on legacy beyond your lifetime.

June 24

Bonnie Davies - Founder, CEO and Creative Director for Gelo. Bonnie is all about “Unboring things”. Bonnie is constantly rewriting the playbook for creative, performance based businesses. She also creates and becomes Famous Sharron. We'll talk innovation, doing things differently, refusing to quit and ask why so much stuff is boring.

Come and Join us 2:00 PM Perth time on Wednesdays.

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakeable Newsletter here.

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Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakeable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196