Top 4 Mistakes when Preparing for Challenging Situations

Challenging situations come in many shapes and sizes. At work or time might be disrupted by something urgent. It could be a complaint, an equipment failure, someone being off sick, or an unexpected critical deadline. It might be relational like giving difficult feedback or correcting an error. It might be in your personal life like a family member getting sick, a contentious parent teacher interview, or a conversation with a difficult ex over the kids.

Bottom line is there are some situations we find more challenging than others. Last week, I highlighted visualisation as a great way to prepare. Here are the top 4 mistakes that people make when doing that:

1. Wishin’ and Hopin’ - even when you are pretty sure it won’t go smoothly, you just launch in and hope it will be OK, then feel surprised when it goes badly. The investment of a bit of time visualising your options in response to likely variables is well spent.

2. One Shot - only visualising one possible version of events. If any other version happens, you’ll be unprepared and surprised again. Pick 4 possible ways the situation could go on a continuum of “smoothly and well” to “terrible”.Visualise a version of each. How will you be feeling? What will you be doing or saying? What words or actions are coming from the other person/s?

3. Horror Movie - replaying past situations that didn’t go well and you wish you had showed up differently. Often we increase the impact of these negative images of ourselves and our capability with highly critical self talk. Act like a director. Say ‘CUT’ when you notice yourself negatively rehearsing and then replay the scene with you acting as you would have liked to have done.

4. Weird Energy - we can easily come in too hyped or too chilled. Each situation will have an ideal energy. Will you be calm, assertive, conciliatory, loud, quiet, listening, speaking? What is the ideal energy for the situation, and your preferred version of how it plays out.

Watch how these play out before your next moment of pressure. Rehearse well, Act well!

Banking for the Future

What's it like being on the team you are on? The experience can be dynamic and productive. A great team performs well, exceeding the results that any one member could achieve. Other teams get in their own way. When the objectives are not clear and people are not pulling their weight, a team can add work and confusion. 2017 has been dominated with discussions about teams for me. Leaders and team members have been tackling the ingredients for high performance and also dysfunction. Over the next few weeks I'll share a series of insights about teams from both sides.

"You have to bank for the future and trust that will get you through the challenges"

Picture this:

The sector you are in is facing the largest change it has seen in 40 years. There's widespread optimism about the change, but also lots of confusion. The big picture looks compelling but for some individual staff and customers it's not great. People are looking for answers and they are not always available - not because anyone is trying to mislead - simply because many things are still on the drawing board. The nature of jobs is changing. Employees are dealing with their own uncertainty while facing a barrage of customer uncertainty and angst. 

One leader reflected on the unofficial nature of some of the teams he is leading. Groups of people who are held together more by relationships and common ground, than because they are an actual team. He spoke of "banking" trust and reliability. Doing the right thing consistently. Following through on promises. 

In an environment that is totally relationship based these are the only tools available to make the team perform. They are powerful tools and in a more formal team setting they often get overlooked.

How do you build trust within your team? I reckon the most powerful way to influence trust is to consistently do what you say you will do. Regardless of whether you are a leader, or a team member, backing yourself in this way creates a sense of certainty and reliability around you. "Banking" credit in relationships will help when the team faces challenges. 

Staying Fresh

Do you ever get into a groove? Not the helpful sort that's characterised by flow and productivity, but the sort where you feel you are getting stale. Depending on how deep and long it is you might even call it a rut. I reckon it's part of human nature to experience these times. Most people I speak to have experienced it at least once. Maybe it's a product of our search for certainty.

We are wired to manage our environment in a way that creates some certainty and predictability. Depending on personality and background, some people like more certainty than others. Some of us follow very precise and ordered sequences for almost everything we do. Going back to the same coffee shop, talking to the same people and driving the same way to work are all examples. Others will seek greater variety, sometimes going to extremes. But even then there are ways they create certainty. In the high risk sport of wing suit proximity flying for example, people spend huge amounts of time planning until they are certain enough of the outcome to make the jump. Despite appearances, they don't have a death wish.

Part of life is finding your personal balance between variety and certainty. Enough variety that you don't fall into a rut. Enough certainty that you feel comfortable.

Every year I intentionally do at least one thing that I have never done before. It keeps me fresh. I search for a challenge that will push back some boundaries and expose me to new skills. The experience should induce a bit of fear I reckon - something that puts me in a position of being a beginner with a lot to learn. For me a tandem skydive, or bungy jump would not meet the criteria. While both would be scary and definitely get me out of my comfort zone, neither requires me to learn. In both situations I'm dependant on an expert. 

This year's challenge is a stand-up comedy course that ends with a 5 minute stand-up performance to a live audience. I'm getting sweaty palms just writing about it. Some people don't believe me when I say that, after all I speak for a living, and sometimes it's humorous. But comedy is different I reckon. There's something very exposed about being on stage specifically to make people laugh. And there's nowhere to hide if it doesn't work. Humour is a pretty personal thing as well. What makes me laugh might not make you laugh. It could be a long 5 minutes!  

I recommend this kind of personal stretch at least once a year for anyone. 

• It keeps you fresh.
• It's great for brain health.
• You become more aware of yourself, and sometimes find strength and resources you didn't know you had.
• You'll probably have some fun.

I think it's especially important for leaders.

• It reminds you what it's like to be lead, especially if the leader is asking you to stretch yourself.
• It reminds you that you don't know everything.
• It awakens creativity and insight that are impossible to access from the rut.
• It makes you more aware of what it takes to create an environment where people are willing to follow.

What will you do to challenge yourself this year?

If you want to join me at the school of comedy details are here. https://www.schoolofcomedy.com.au/stand-up/

If you want some other ideas here's my article on the same subject from last year.

http://www.mikehouse.com.au/blog/2016/3/4/ixs8lzp8gpzkwgx13lilo5w4u9vej9