Influence

Influence was the only tool I had. To get anywhere, the hearts and minds of the people around me had to be engaged. My last role before I started my business was a stroke of leadership genius. The Executive team recognised my willingness to “play” in spaces of deep change that others found uncomfortable. They created a position unlike any I have seen before or since. My role was to advise/recommend changes and then create the momentum to make it happen. I had no staff. I had no budget.

Nothing in my space got off the ground unless there was broad alignment. People had to be willing to invest time, energy and resources for anything to advance. I was often called on when a change project was not going well, so the starting point was often scepticism about the project.

The Big 5 I focussed on were: 

• Genuine Care – I was deeply interested in what the impacts and benefits of the change were for the individuals and groups involved. 

• Deep Listening - Getting a full understanding of what the change involved for everyone, including the potential risks and downsides for them was a critical ingredient. When I was listening to understand, I didn’t try to influence their position. 

• Benefit - We collaborated on making the greatest benefit for as many people as possible. If there was less in it for some, we focussed on how the change would deliver value at an organisational level.

• Transparency - When there were inevitable compromises to be made, I made sure everyone knew what they were and why. I doubled down on this if the compromise had a disproportionate impact on someone.

• Deliver or Discuss - If I said something was going to happen, I worked hard to deliver. If it wasn’t possible, I always renegotiated expectations before they were due.

Often change processes are framed in adversarial terms. “On the bus or not”. People view expressed fear, additional load, or highlighted problems as resistance. More often than not, this is evidence of people caring about the result. If you can develop a shared picture of the end point, it's much more likely that people will pull together toward it. And it will build strength and connection across the team for the future.

Creating a Sense of Safety and Connection

Have you ever had a moment where 4 small words had the potential to dramatically change your experience? Back when planes were a regular part of my work and life I had one of those moments. 

I was seated halfway along a smallish plane. 

The aircrew were moving along the plane from the back opening all the overhead lockers as they came. There seemed to be a sense of urgency.. 

I wondered what they could possibly be looking for. Aircrew know where things are. If they needed some piece of equipment they would go get it. 

It also seemed unlikely they were looking for something for a passenger.

If we want something from hand luggage in an overhead locker we stand up and get it, not call the aircrew for a systematic search!

And yet, here they were systematically searching lockers along the whole plane… Strange.

Eventually the crew arrived at my row.  She opens the locker, stands on tip-toe to peer in and appears to be subtly sniffing the air. 

I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you looking for something?”

Her response amazed me. It was very low on the list of things I would ever expect aircrew to ask a passenger. 

She looked me straight in the eye, smiled as only air crew  can and asked, 

“Can you smell smoke?”

Her question didn’t especially bother me. I couldn’t smell smoke, and I’m very comfortable on planes

For a less comfortable passenger the question could well be enough to have them clawing for the handles on the nearest emergency exit!

It’s a great illustration of psychological safety. For the crew, the situation clearly wasn’t of great concern, and she was in an environment very familiar to her. When we are familiar with our environment, we can inadvertently do or say something that deeply disturbs someone less familiar.

One of the quickest ways to build trust and psychological safety is to anticipate possible perspectives and issues for those around you, especially if they are new to the environment.

Time spent setting their mind at ease strengthens their trust and regard for you.

The challenge is to be aware enough of what those concerns might be, especially if the environment has become routine for you.

Where could you more effectively build trust and psychological safety for those around you?

It’s a Fine Line

In a number of coaching and workshop experiences in the last few weeks, people have talked about being right on the edge of being overwhelmed. If that’s you at the moment, I feel you! Overwhelm is a state any of us can get into. When I arrive there, I sometimes feel like there’s no way out (or at least no easily visible one). It can easily feel as if one thing is piling on top of another. Last week we discussed control. Sometimes It can feel as if we don’t have much. 

One of the sources of stress comes from blurring the line between control and influence.

How we feel, act, and think are in our direct control (to a large degree - there are times when more reactive parts of our brain and physiology take over - that’s a topic for later). How others feel, act and think are in their control. If we try to control outcomes with others it will eventually do our head in. At best we can influence others. Depending on the situation, the people involved and your standing with them, the influence might be high or low. Either way, it’s not direct control. 

A practical way to reduce stress is to acknowledge the line between control and influence. When we recognise that we are in a ‘game’ of influence, it helps to reduce stress when things don’t work out exactly as we expect.  

How well do you manage that distinction?

Next week: Doing Influence well