It’s a Fine Line

In a number of coaching and workshop experiences in the last few weeks, people have talked about being right on the edge of being overwhelmed. If that’s you at the moment, I feel you! Overwhelm is a state any of us can get into. When I arrive there, I sometimes feel like there’s no way out (or at least no easily visible one). It can easily feel as if one thing is piling on top of another. Last week we discussed control. Sometimes It can feel as if we don’t have much. 

One of the sources of stress comes from blurring the line between control and influence.

How we feel, act, and think are in our direct control (to a large degree - there are times when more reactive parts of our brain and physiology take over - that’s a topic for later). How others feel, act and think are in their control. If we try to control outcomes with others it will eventually do our head in. At best we can influence others. Depending on the situation, the people involved and your standing with them, the influence might be high or low. Either way, it’s not direct control. 

A practical way to reduce stress is to acknowledge the line between control and influence. When we recognise that we are in a ‘game’ of influence, it helps to reduce stress when things don’t work out exactly as we expect.  

How well do you manage that distinction?

Next week: Doing Influence well