Losing the Keys

Have you ever lost your keys? It used to be a regular occurrence for me, until I initiated ‘The Bowl’. The bowl sits near the door. It’s not one of those weird party ideas, just a place to store the keys. As long as I am disciplined about putting my keys there, I can always find them. If I don’t, a long search begins. I check yesterday’s pockets and bags. I scour the flat surfaces of the house for anywhere they might have come to rest. I try to recall my movements, where I went and what I did when I came inside.

Time passes. The search becomes more frantic and less effective. Eventually I stop and look properly. Sometimes the search involves my patient wife asking, “Have you checked here or there?”. It doesn’t help. If she joins the search it’s usually over fairly quickly. Maybe a bloke look really is a thing, but I don’t think that’s the full picture. Fresh eyes and perspective make all the difference.

Most of us have lost stuff which we then find incredibly difficult to locate. As we look, we are filtering information using criteria that we are barely conscious of. We look hard where we expect to find them and then glance over less likely spots. During the search, we may look directly at the object, but not see it. It’s all a product of our filters and attention.

 Rational Filtering

Rational filtering can be highly effective but can also be overridden by our emotions and intuition, so if it’s going to be any good, we have to pay attention. When we filter rationally, we switch on the amazing capability of our frontal cortex. We can think, analyse, segment, compare, invent, debate, rationalise, investigate, research and generally do astounding stuff with this part of our brain. It makes use of our skills, training and experience.

Intuitive Filtering

Intuitive filtering is often undervalued and underestimated in our current culture and community. Intuition draws on everything we know. We subconsciously tap into our whole life's worth of experience and arrive at a snap judgment that can be very accurate. It’s often difficult to explain how we came to our conclusion. That can make us question intuitive decisions. Sometimes we’ll decide there’s not enough evidence to support our call. We start to doubt it, and often discredit it. 

Intuition has its limitations. To be effective, it relies on sound experience and knowledge. An inexperienced person may still get strong gut feelings, and there’s a good chance they’ll be ineffective. A strong gut feeling can totally override our rational filters. Intuition can also lead us astray if there are real or perceived threats.

If we feel threatened we are likely to filter reactively. Both rational and intuitive filtering are overridden by Fight, Flight or Freeze (FFF).

Reactive Filtering

Reactive filters kick in when FFF is active. We physically see and hear less. As the frontal cortex shuts down we literally get more stupid. When we are filtering reactively:

• we miss more data than usual,

• jump to reactive conclusions, and

• fixate on less data.

Blind Filtering

Blind filtering is what magicians rely on when they practice their art. They direct our attention away from the real action, or just rely on the fact that we are not paying attention. Some research reckons we are not present, or not paying attention, 30-80% of the time. That gives the magician heaps of territory to play in. They exploit our lack of attention to create masterful illusions that seem impossible. It also gives us plenty of ways to torment ourselves with lost items that magically appear later.

Blind filtering happens when our attention is elsewhere. We miss information when we are focused on something else, when we are distracted, or simply not paying attention.  We miss a lot even when we are actively paying attention. Most of the time it’s not a problem, or it’s mildly frustrating - like the keys. But you can hide big and important stuff in those blind spots - stuff you really don’t want to miss.

The problem with ineffective Filtering

Misunderstanding - people draw different conclusions or misinterpret each other and the circumstances. There is confusion about the best interpretation.

Group Think - confirming what we think we know, rather than responding to the circumstances.

Wasted time and resources - many businesses I work with spend significant time and money going back over old ground. Re-hashing decisions, clarifying agreements, re-negotiating. They all cost!

Personal and collective stress.

Blindsides - missing crucial information and getting caught with our pants down. Sometimes we never become aware of what the issue was - we just get taken out of the game.

What are you missing?

Thrive and Adapt Principle – Believe Better

Humans have always been able to imagine a different reality and then bring it into being. It's the source of every innovation we have ever made. Research and anecdotal evidence shows that many people in survival situations stay alive against incredible odds, sometimes even defying medical science. It would be reasonable to think that they are people who are physically tough, or better trained for the situation. The reality is far more interesting – the one thing they have in common is that they believe they will survive.

There's a great example of this in Unbroken, Laura Hillenbrand’s biography of Louie Zamparini. Louie was lost at sea on a life raft for 47 days having been shot down over the Pacific in 1943. On the raft were two of Louie's crew mates – Phil and Mac - the only survivors of the crash. The book and subsequent movie is well worth a look.

“Though all three men faced the same hardship, their differing perceptions of it appeared to be shaping their fates. Louie and Phil’s hope displaced their fear and inspired them to work toward their survival, and each success renewed their physical and emotional vigour. Mac’s resignation seemed to paralyse him and the less he participated in their efforts to survive, the more he slipped. Though he did the least, as the days passed, it was he who faded the most. Louie and Phil’s optimism, and Mac’s hopelessness, were becoming self-fulfilling.” Unbroken - Laura Hillenbrand

Ultimately, Mac passed away, while the other two survived their ordeal.

Zamparini believed he would survive. He expected events to unfold to support his belief. He gave his attention to the evidence that suggested he was right, and to the actions that supported his intention to prevail.

How does what you believe about the circumstances you face shape your experience? Is it time to 'upgrade' your beliefs?

Here's a practical example

I was coaching a young woman who was regularly experiencing conflict with her colleagues. She is a dynamic person who sets very high standards for herself and the people around her. Her ineffective belief was, “When people don’t meet the standard, they are doing it deliberately to frustrate me”. She was experiencing lots of frustration and relationships with her peers were fragmented. The harder she tried to exert a standard, the more people felt pushed around and the less inclined they were to cooperate. After some coaching, she chose a more effective belief. “The people around me also want results, they just have a different perspective on what’s important.” She started to ask people what was important to them in their joint projects. For some people, that was enough to create some common ground and they began to pull together in the same direction. For others, there was more work to be done, but her frustration levels working with them dropped.

Sometimes all it takes is to consciously acknowledge your Beliefs and to choose a better one. It’s simple to do, but not necessarily easy. If you are handy with DIY, this worksheet will help identify and shift ineffective beliefs. You may also need to talk to a friend, coach or mentor - sometimes others can see our beliefs more clearly than we can.

If you don't already have someone to help with this sort of thinking, let me know, I'd be delighted to help.