Why can’t we just talk openly?

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A new CEO asked this question of his senior staff, one of whom I’m coaching at the moment. His belief is that people should be able to raise issues and talk openly about them with each other. But people don’t. Simply saying that they should, regardless of good intent, won’t change people’s minds.

There’s been a history in the organisation of people raising issues and experiencing significant backlash. There’s been people actively working to boost their reputation while tearing others down. There's been gossip and blame. People are accustomed to bad outcomes when they speak openly about problems. There’s nothing in recent history that suggests doing so would be good or safe.

To change that will take more than words. It will take building trust and psychological safety. That will likely mean starting with relatively small and inconsequential pieces and building up to the bigger stuff. It will take some courage and accountability.

All that can be achieved reasonably quickly, but simply saying it won’t make it so.

Two simple ingredients to build trust

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As soon as someone says “You just need to trust me” the spidey sense starts tingling! It feels like the wool is being pulled and instantly arouses suspicion - even when the intent is genuine.

Several of the leaders I spoke to this week lamented how long trust takes to build. In reality it can be built quickly with 2 simple ingredients.

  1. Do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it. If there’s a valid reason that won’t happen, renegotiate the timeframe and details. Follow through builds trust quickly. It shows commitment, care and competence. People notice that. The absence of follow through erodes trust quickly too. One of the easiest ways to do this is to always make sure you keep people informed. Follow through if no one knows is the same as no follow through.

  2. Be consistent in how you show up. If people are second guessing what mood you’ll be in all the time, it creates massive uncertainty and damages trust. We all have variation in mood, and I’m not suggesting you act inauthentically. As James Clear says in Atomic Habits, “It’s like an election, you just need a strong majority”.

Trust builds fast when individuals and teams hold a high standard in these ingredients.