“Did you get a free coffee yesterday?”, the owner asked my wife. “No , why?”, she replied. As she brewed a fresh and free coffee, the owner told Donna she had noticed she didn’t drink her breakfast coffee on Sunday. We had left before she could ask why not. She was genuinely curious about why that coffee had been left untouched by one of her regular customers. She listened to Donna’s feedback, asked great questions, and listened some more.

On its own, that’s pretty cool. But it doesn’t make a difference. I’m sure many of us have had experiences of giving feedback, only for nothing to change. At that coffee shop, action is guaranteed - like when the lids on takeaway cups kept coming off and the owner had a new supplier the following day - she makes it safe to speak, she listens and she acts.

Safety in this case is created by 4 things:

1. She has a track record of being open to feedback and genuine enquiry. She always receives feedback without judgement, justification, blame or excuses. She simply listens.

2. The free coffee is a way of saying “I know you were not happy with our product. I know we did something different and less good”. She is creating an invitation to talk about it by acknowledging the problem and making a gesture of good faith.

3. She separates the people from the problem. It’s all about the best possible coffee. It’s not about an argument or lynching baristas.

4. She acts which lets people know the feedback is heard and valued.

By comparison, a coaching client is currently being asked to give feedback about a team member. The process is not transparent. The intent is not transparent. There's a history of issues raised being ignored or not acted on. There’s a history of people being treated differently because they gave feedback. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t feel safe to give feedback.

How do you personally seek and encourage feedback?

How do you make it safe for others to seek it and give it?

What action do you take as a result?

And if you are in Midland, check out New Ritual cafe. The coffee is great.

HUH? - Digital Dialogue

The beep of an incoming message had me reaching for my phone. New text message. From a colleague and mate. Like me, he helps people get better at understanding each other and communicating better. The communication between us is some of the best work place comms I have ever experienced. Clear, precise and with each of us checking we have an actual understanding, rather than just an assumed one.

We'd exchanged a few short txts to clarify details of a meeting. We were pretty much done, so I expected his last message would be a simple confirmation.

So the txt baffled me. It was long. It was filled with heaps of detail about the meeting. It seemed to have an impatient tone about it - which would be fair enough. We'd been through the detail days ago.

I started quizzing myself about what it meant. I imagined him feeling frustrated, and wondered if the level of trust we had built had been damaged somehow. I felt mildly angry - does he think I'm stupid, or disorganised? Maybe both.

I sent back:

THANKS FOR THE DETAILS, I ALREADY HAVE ALL THAT. WAS THERE A REASON YOU SENT IT?

His reply:

YES. YOU SENT ME 2 QUESTION MARKS

All of a sudden it was clear. He was responding to uncertainty from my end. But I had not sent 2 question marks. I had sent 2 thumbs up emojis, universally understood in our part of the world as "ALL GOOD".

Somewhere in the mobile network/smart phone universe my "ALL GOOD" had changed to "HUH?"

It was a moment when both of us could have acted on our frustration and sent messages back and forth that made the situation muddier and inserting little needles of damage into our otherwise excellent comms.

I often say that friction, tension or conflict, however slight, are an indication that there are different perspectives at play. Sometimes it also means blind spots are being created. If you become aware of of tension, friction or conflict pause and notice how you might react - I was on the verge of slightly crisp and sarcastic response to his txt. Switch on your curiosity and see if you can understand where the other person is coming from. Curiosity will create clarity.

And beware the emoji - regardless of what you meant, who knows what comes out the other side.

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place”

— George Bernard Shaw

Goals vs Areas of Focus

We have been told for years that goals are the road to success. There's been everything from reputable research through to pop psychology explaining why goals are so important. The snap shot summary is:

• Without a clear idea of where you are going, it's unlikely you will get there.
• Setting goals that are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound) makes it much more likely that the goal will be attained.
• The goal by itself means nothing. Successful people also take massive action toward their goals.

I know many people who are great goal setters. It works really well for them. Goals help them get motivated and focussed and they regularly exceed the targets they set for themselves. But goals don't work for everyone, or in all situations.

More recently there has been a significant body of research suggesting that goals have a dark side and may not be as useful, productive or relevant as previously thought. Some of the factors include:

• If a goal is not reached exactly (like it ran late or didn't quite reach the specific target), some people find that extremely frustrating and demotivating. They subsequently lose a lot of energy in self criticism due to the unmet goal.
• In many circumstances, quality of work is sacrificed for reaching the target. While the numbers are achieved, how they are achieved is not always desirable. Some people will cut corners, act unethically, or neglect other important focus because for them the idea of not reaching the goal is worse than doing it poorly.
• Specific goals can sucker individuals and organisations into an way of operating that is inflexible and unresponsive to changing conditions. Essentially they become too focussed on achieving the goal and their perception narrows.
• There are other interesting organisational impacts emerging. If you are keen to know more you might like to check out this paper.

On top of this there are personalities and situations that don't lend themselves to goal setting. In these circumstances, goals can be counter productive. For example:

• I, like many others have a strong negative reaction to being told what to do. At my worst even if it's me telling me what to do, and I think it's a good idea, my default reaction is resistance. When I set goals for myself, it's actually negatively motivating, and I have to play all sorts of mental games with myself to make progress.
• If you don't know enough about what you are trying to achieve, it is very difficult to make meaningful SMART goals. The plane build I wrote about last week is like that. I don't know enough to be able to meaningfully estimate the time it will take to complete a component.
• Sometimes a broad, soft focus is the most appropriate response to circumstances (I'll say more about this in a future article). If the operating conditions are highly dynamic, a narrow, specific focus can get you into a world of trouble.
• Some goals are about creating new habits or just getting more focussed. Consistency over time, just showing up and taking action are more effective than driving for something specific.

That's where Areas of Focus come in. Rather than setting a specific goal an area of focus simply determines where you will focus your energy and attention. For those of us that don't like to be told what to do the softer focus brings greater energy and enthusiasm to related tasks. 

If you are a habitual and successful goal setter, I certainly wouldn't recommend you change what you are doing, but if you have not found goals to be useful, you might like to choose an area of focus.

Ask yourself - Where can I most fruitfully direct my energy and attention? Why is this area of focus important right now? Am I clear about what the vision is for this area of focus? Who else needs to be involved and how can I make it clear to them?

Once your area of focus is decided, the same rules apply as for goals - turn up and take massive action. That's the secret ingredient that makes stuff possible. If you want a great and inspiring example of massive action to get a result check out Jack Andraka, a teenager who is making significant progress in cancer research. The volume of work he has undertaken is impressive. 

Curiosity and Awareness

Curiosity and Awareness temper our need to be right!

Over the last 2 weeks we have explored the power of expectations. While it is undoubtedly true that our expectations create our reality, at least in part, it's also true that sometimes our expectations are not met, or something really unexpected happens. It's way too simplistic to say all you need is a good set of expectations and everything will go well for you. 

Curiosity and Awareness are key tools to ensure that we are able to deal with unexpected events, or unexpected results.

Research in areas as diverse as business, survival, sport, military, and neuroscience has highlighted and clearly documented the human ability to create mental models. If you would like to know more about this some great books on the topic are Deep Survival, Iconoclast, 5th Discipline and Blink.

Mental models present a two edged sword.

On the upside, they are one of the most amazing functions of the human mind. They transform us from a purely reactive entity responding to opportunities and threats at a primal level. Mental models give us the ability to rapidly assimilate and generalise information across a range of settings and contexts.

Mental models help us learn, make judgments, develop wisdom, create new ideas and transfer learning between seemingly unrelated areas and events in our lives.

On the down side they lull us into a sense of certainty about "the way things are", often creating unconscious or inflexible expectations. These are precisely the type of expectations that lead to the problems discussed in the first article of this series.

A mental model at its worst becomes like a giant set of blinkers, creating a myopic view of the world. In this condition we are only able to perceive the things that confirm our mental model, even if there is ample evidence that it may be flawed.

In business this can result in decisions being made, and then a dogged determination to see it through despite ample evidence that the decision was an ineffective one. The same can be true in our personal lives as well - You may have even experienced it yourself.

When we look back with the 20:20 vision of hindsight we can often see these patterns clearly, but it takes discipline to pick up on them "in the moment".

Once the brain picks a mental model, it expends less and less energy, increasingly assuming the model to be true, and only paying attention to information that confirms this assumption.

Enter Curiosity and Awareness. They are the most powerful tools of the survivalist mind and the only remedy to falling into the trap of inflexible mental models. 

Awareness is a discipline. It is a commitment to scan widely for new or different information. There are a range of skills and tools that can be learnt and mastered to increase awareness.

Curiosity has a lightness and wondering about it, not taking itself too seriously.  Curiosity will notice small inconsistencies and ask "now why is that?" Curiosity will seek the novel, even in the mundane and familiar. Curiosity wonders at the links and relationships between all things. Again there are skills and tools that can be learnt to enhance curiosity and its effectiveness. 

Cultivate these 2 gems!!