Conduct: Low Hanging Fruit

Christine Porath has been researching incivility in the workplace for almost 3 decades. She defines it as “...seemingly inconsequential inconsiderate words and deeds that violate accepted norms of workplace conduct…”. It’s the small, slightly rude acts we do and experience - things like eye rolls, sarcasm, harsh words, snappiness. The stuff we can all do especially when we are tired and stressed.

Porath says it’s on the rise. In 1998 she found around 25% of people experienced regular rudeness at work. In 2005 it was almost 50%. By 2022 it was over 75%. An alarming pattern.

I often ask teams about the pattern in their own workplace. 98% say there's some level of rudeness. Over 70% say they do it occasionally when they lose their cool, and that they regret it later. A fair portion of us do it to ourselves with harsh negative criticism and self talk when we disappoint ourselves in some way (I know I do).

So if it's rarely deliberate why is it growing? Rudeness easily provokes a “Tit for tat” dynamic. The more we experience it, the more likely we are to bite back or pay it forward. That adds further to stress, which makes it even more likely that we’ll behave that way.

If you want a high performing team, there’s enormous value in naming this stuff. Talking about where and how it happens, and discussing ways to reduce it. In the same way that rudeness is contagious, so is kindness. It’s an easy, high ROI element of conduct that teams can turn to their advantage.

If you like to know more about how rudeness shows up, its impacts and what to do about it, I’d love to hear from you.

Minor Changes?

Three stories from real people in real businesses this week:

• An engineer was plagued with constant ‘minor changes’ requested by a client. The engineering needs to be precise because of the loads on the structure. Relatively minor changes equal a full redo of the calculations and drawings.

• A highly customised vehicle had to be upgraded. The old model was no longer available. When the new one finally arrived, it didn’t fit in the shed.

• During an approval process a commitment was made to do things a certain way. When regulators made their inspection something completely different was happening. The original commitment had not been passed on to the operational team. The project may be suspended.

• A piece of public paving near my place was completed and dug up 6 times in one year because roads were changed, trees were planted, cables were shifted, water pipes were replaced etc.

We’ve all had experiences like these where one part of an organisation seems really badly informed about decisions others are making. At worst this leads to massive do-overs and significant frustration. I reckon it’s a compounding situation right now.

People’s to - do lists are so hectic, that they are focussed on what is right in front of them. Taking the time to ask for input from others and/or keep them informed can easily feel like a distraction from our primary focus. It’s false economy. I wonder what percentage of work across the planet is caused by a lack of cohesion, collaboration and communication. It must amount to a massive cost in time, dollars, resources and energy.

If you lead, take the time to slow down and facilitate the connections with people. Everything will go faster.

Everything depends on it…

And over the past two years it has taken a massive beating. 

It’s Psychological Safety. 

Unlike physical safety which can be more readily seen, measured and mitigated - Psychological Safety is more about how safe something feels. As a young outdoors instructor I often saw people deeply concerned about the safety of abseiling down a 50 metre cliff, and yet quite happy to jump in a raft to shoot some rapids.

 If you are using properly rigged and rated gear, the abseil is very low risk. It becomes quite a predictable environment from a physical safety point of view. But we are born with a hard wired fear of falling from height. That’s smart design isn’t it - especially given the consequences! The barriers are almost all psychological and it feels very unsafe and exposed. Rapids on the other hand can be way riskier. And yet it seems easier for most of us to trust the boat and jump in.

In the workplace Psychological Safety impacts many elements contributing to bottom line:

• Dealing with conflict

• Contributing innovative ideas

• Spotting and correcting physical safety issues

• Giving and receiving useful feedback

• Developing new skills

• Pointing out potential flaws in a product or plan

• Taking responsibility/accountability for results

• Giving honest estimates of time required for projects

• Open conversations about budgets, strategy, tactics and opportunities

If people don’t feel safe to do these things and more without experiencing negative kickback, they are likely to find any reason not to do them. What you say, or what the official policy is doesn’t make much difference to this. It’s all about feel. 

How would you rate the Psychological Safety of your workplace, especially after the assaults of the last 2 years? If you’d like a practical 20 point checklist to measure and improve it, send me a message and I’d be happy to send you one.

Resistance to Change

Humans are actually really good at change. Our drive to make things better and easier has been one of the key success factors for our species. And yet so often there is resistance to change, even when we know it is a good thing we are trying to implement. The source of resistance is rarely explored, but if you can identify it clearly, it’s much more likely you will succeed!

Stilling the whirlwind

I tossed and turned. It didn’t seem to matter what what position I lay in, I couldn’t get to sleep. My mind was a whirlwind of activity . It churned with ideas and sequences for an upcoming workshop with a new client. I tossed and turned some more, eventually falling asleep, only to spring awake almost immediately. It was as if the whirlwind had prodded me awake. After a while a thought adds to the whirlwind, “If this keeps up, I’ll be shattered tomorrow!”. It adds to the stress. The more I try, the less I sleep.

When I talk to my coaching clients, I’m not alone in finding it hard to relax and switch off sometimes. 

It seems we get the “whirlwind” from 3 categories:

• Stressful thoughts about things yet to be completed, things that make us worried or anxious, overload, tight timelines, big decisions…

• Creative thoughts like big ideas, great solutions, new directions…

• Processing thoughts like when you have learned something new and your mind is filled with it and how it fits with other things you know…

Fortunately, the Guerrilla Mindfulness tactic can be really effective in those moments.

Guerrilla Mindfulness is:

• 3 long, slow rhythmic breaths

• Acknowledge how you feel

• Clarify your intention

When I can’t sleep for the whirlwind I use it this way:

1. Focus on the rhythm of your breathing. Make the breaths in and out the same each time. Breathe into your belly. To do that, ‘lock’ the muscles of your ribs together and let your belly expand and contract with each breath. Try to keep your ribcage still as you breathe in and out. Let the belly fill and empty. Breathing this way is deeply relaxing.

2. Acknowledge how you feel, without getting into the story of why. You might be stressed, anxious, frustrated, excited, or curious. Use as few words as you can to describe your feelings. Acknowledging your feelings in this way reduces the stress hormones in your system.

3. Be clear about your intent - it might be ‘I’m going to park this for now, relax and sleep.”

4. Go back to breathing into your belly - slow, deep, rhythmic. I usually find I’m asleep before I count 7 cycles. If the whirlwind interrupts your breathing, be kind to yourself. Gently notice the thoughts and return your attention to breathing. Even if you don’t sleep, your gentle focus on the breath will have you more relaxed tomorrow than a night with the whirlwind.

Sometimes you’ll wake up again during the night with the whirlwind spinning again. Rinse and repeat as often as you need to. I also find it helpful to do a quick brain dump into a notebook to get the whirlwind off my mind.

And of course, if you find yourself getting stuck in a pattern of long term sleeplessness, seek help.

Next time, we’ll talk about using Guerrilla Mindfulness when you need to be switched on and ready for action.

9 tips for a DIY retreat

A retreat is an intentional withdrawal from work to renew recharge and reflect. It's different from a holiday which usually just involves taking time out purely for relaxation. People on retreat generally have something specific they wish to gain and/or leave behind. Perhaps you like the idea of a retreat and you have a preference for DIY, rather than joining a program run by someone else. A DIY retreat is a great thing to do if you can structure the time to be effective for you. Here's some tips for DIY'ers.

1. Choose a location that is dramatically different from your usual working and living environment. Ideally it will have few distractions and will be a comfortable setting for you. I love to get out into the outback because the scenery, isolation and simplicity of minimalist camping work for me. Others would find this a horrible place to be. A good question to ask is "Where do I feel most focussed, relaxed and at ease?" Consider both specific places and types of locations that work for you.

2. Get clear about your intention for the retreat. If you would like some questions to help create that clarity go to this link www.surveymonkey.com/r/Pilbara-Executive-Retreat At the bottom of the information about one of the retreats I run there are a set of questions.
3. Remove the distractions. Switch the phone off or even leave it behind. Make sure you can't access email or take calls, respond to social media etc. Genuinely unplug. We are so constantly connected these days that we are often reacting to beeps and pings, rather than being strategic. Let people know that you will be completely off the grid. If there is a possibility that someone may need to urgently contact you, arrange a 3rd person as a gate keeper.
4. Create variety. Spend time reflecting, learning, studying, planning or reviewing, mixed in with physical activity like walking, cycling, yoga, or weight training.
5. Make the food simple and good. Choose stuff that is easy to prepare and that you know works well for your body. You know the stuff. It leaves you feeling light and energised, rather than bloated and lethargic.
6. Don't self medicate. Leave behind the chocolate, alcohol or other drugs and anything else you turn to in discomfort. Allow yourself to be fully present and to feel whatever you feel. A few day without those things won't hurt.
7. Plan for some time just to be. Don't fill the entire time with action. Allow time to just sit and be. These spaces create the possibility of greater integration and potential AH HA moments.
8. Capture what you got from your retreat in a way that you can bring it to fruition back in your everyday life. After all, that's where the rubber hits the road.
9. Do it at least once a year.

If you like the sound of all that but can't imaging having the time or inclination to DIY, I've joined with a team of four other dynamic and inspirational leaders to bring a two day retreat to Perth on October 30 and 31. Lead By Example is a retreat designed for leaders and owners in all kinds of business. if you would like more information for yourself, a colleague, or a family member you can find it at www.mikehouse.com.au/lead-by-example/ We would love to see you there. 

Resistance?

The time loomed close. At first light just before dawn, the group was to set off into unknown territory. Yesterday was a long day. Walking across a harsh and rugged landscape with minimal supplies and uncertain access to water. Their bed had been scraped out among rocks and sticks. Sleep had been elusive, caught in short bursts of an hour or two and punctuated by the need to stoke the fire for warmth or ease the pressure of sleeping on the ground.

In the pre dawn stillness, I heard someone throw up. Not a good start to the day! As the team medic, it was my job to investigate and assess. I was surprised by what I found. The young man who was ill was by far the fittest member of the group. Well trained, confident and competent. He'd been talking about taking this trip for over 2 years, and was planning to take on an even greater challenge immediately afterwards. As we talked about what was going on for him, it turned out that he wasn't ill as such. But he was stressed. 

His stress had him literally tied in knots, bunched and spasming muscle, a headache and waves of nausea. Debilitated by fear and anxiety. Despite our collective efforts, he was unable to stake it off, and ended up pulling out of the exercise.

His reaction was at the extreme end of a continuum of stress - the other end being so unstressed that we are bored. Somewhere in the middle is peak performance where we are stressed enough to be motivated, but not so much that we are overwhelmed (If you want to know more about that, check out the Yerkes Dobson Curve). You may well have experienced some form of being overwhelmed during your life. In that state, it's very difficult to access your ability and rationale. Even simple decisions can seem impossible. Operating at that level takes an enormous amount of energy and is not sustainable.

When I'm speaking to people who are managing change programs, they often talk about resistance. Resistance sometimes shows up in spite of what people are saying. A person might have agreed to the change, and have even been enthusiastic about it, only to appear resistant later on. The typical response to resistance is to shove harder. More force rarely works and is usually matched with even greater resistance. 

Our pre dawn bloke was stressed and torn between a part of himself that really wanted to take on the challenge, and another that was unable to face it in that moment. He was concerned about appearing out of control, and incompetent in front of peers and mentors. This is often at the heart of resistance, and often is more to do with hard wired survival instinct than ego. For the vast majority of human history, we have lived in small tribes, or communities, reliant on each other's skill and competence for our very existence. in this context, incompetence was literally life threatening. When people are called upon to adopt something new, there's an inevitable period of uncertainly often accompanied by the need to learn new ways of doing. People will retreat to the familiar, especially if they are nearing their personal capacity of stress. It's not a conscious choice - they may not even be aware that they are doing it.

Rather than shoving harder, work on creating environments where the "new" can be engaged safely and playfully. Have explicit conversations about the unspoken expectations that create the resistance. - More on that next week.