Reframing Regret
/Regret drags us into the past. Sometimes it prevents us from taking action now. It can even impact how we feel about the future. I’d hate to see a tally of the hours I have spent in regret over the years. I reckon they are some of the most expensive hours we can spend. They burn time, energy and can even erode confidence.
These days I’m pretty good at not having regrets. It doesn’t mean that all my decisions are brilliant in the harsh light of hindsight (wouldn’t that be something to celebrate!). It just means I don’t beat myself up about decisions and actions that I would change in hindsight. I’ve recently read 2 perspectives on regret that I find effective.
Suzanne Waldron in her wonderful little book “Sleeping Giants” says that “Regret is simply this: you know now what you didn’t know before.”
That perspective makes Regret a gift - rather than indulging it, I can use it as a trigger to acknowledge what I have learnt and how I have grown.
Recently, James Clear quoted novelist Toni Morrison on her measure of success:
"For me, success is not a public thing. It's a private thing. It's when you have fewer and fewer regrets." Morrison’s perspective makes me wonder if regret is a product of not being fully aligned with yourself. I know for myself, and many of the leaders I work with, the more they align their decisions and actions with what matters most to them, the less regret they experience.
What part does regret play in your life?
If you are holding onto a past decision or action, what would it take to find the lessons and move on?
How could you increase your alignment?
