Staying Fresh

Do you ever get into a groove? Not the helpful sort that's characterised by flow and productivity, but the sort where you feel you are getting stale. Depending on how deep and long it is you might even call it a rut. I reckon it's part of human nature to experience these times. Most people I speak to have experienced it at least once. Maybe it's a product of our search for certainty.

We are wired to manage our environment in a way that creates some certainty and predictability. Depending on personality and background, some people like more certainty than others. Some of us follow very precise and ordered sequences for almost everything we do. Going back to the same coffee shop, talking to the same people and driving the same way to work are all examples. Others will seek greater variety, sometimes going to extremes. But even then there are ways they create certainty. In the high risk sport of wing suit proximity flying for example, people spend huge amounts of time planning until they are certain enough of the outcome to make the jump. Despite appearances, they don't have a death wish.

Part of life is finding your personal balance between variety and certainty. Enough variety that you don't fall into a rut. Enough certainty that you feel comfortable.

Every year I intentionally do at least one thing that I have never done before. It keeps me fresh. I search for a challenge that will push back some boundaries and expose me to new skills. The experience should induce a bit of fear I reckon - something that puts me in a position of being a beginner with a lot to learn. For me a tandem skydive, or bungy jump would not meet the criteria. While both would be scary and definitely get me out of my comfort zone, neither requires me to learn. In both situations I'm dependant on an expert. 

This year's challenge is a stand-up comedy course that ends with a 5 minute stand-up performance to a live audience. I'm getting sweaty palms just writing about it. Some people don't believe me when I say that, after all I speak for a living, and sometimes it's humorous. But comedy is different I reckon. There's something very exposed about being on stage specifically to make people laugh. And there's nowhere to hide if it doesn't work. Humour is a pretty personal thing as well. What makes me laugh might not make you laugh. It could be a long 5 minutes!  

I recommend this kind of personal stretch at least once a year for anyone. 

• It keeps you fresh.
• It's great for brain health.
• You become more aware of yourself, and sometimes find strength and resources you didn't know you had.
• You'll probably have some fun.

I think it's especially important for leaders.

• It reminds you what it's like to be lead, especially if the leader is asking you to stretch yourself.
• It reminds you that you don't know everything.
• It awakens creativity and insight that are impossible to access from the rut.
• It makes you more aware of what it takes to create an environment where people are willing to follow.

What will you do to challenge yourself this year?

If you want to join me at the school of comedy details are here. https://www.schoolofcomedy.com.au/stand-up/

If you want some other ideas here's my article on the same subject from last year.

http://www.mikehouse.com.au/blog/2016/3/4/ixs8lzp8gpzkwgx13lilo5w4u9vej9

Rude = Expensive

I looked across the track at the small collection of gear I had packed for this advanced survival exercise. It was nearly dark and I was being patted down to ensure I had nothing other than a pocket sized survival kit on me. I glanced nervously at my eight companions as our gear was thrown into the back of a vehicle. We were handed an envelope and our instructors drove into the gathering darkness, leaving us alone. We opened the envelope and read our instructions, "You are somewhere on one of your 3 maps ... ".

In hindsight the next three days were characterised by hasty decisions and poor communication as we struggled to come to terms with our circumstances. We also lashed out at each other - verbal sparring as we vented frustration about our external circumstances on each other.

Over the 20 years I worked as a survival instructor it never ceased to amaze me how easily individuals and groups could be made to feel they were at threat. In that state, people are more reactive than normal and results definitely suffer. It's amazing how rarely people pause to consider the best course of action.

In the modern work context a sense of threat is not unusual either. Most workplaces experience some level of uncertainty. Mostly it's from circumstances beyond our direct control. One possible reaction is rudeness to the people around us. I can certainly think of more than one occasion when my conduct was not as good as it could have been.

Rudeness in itself is enough to make people feel at threat. It damages psychological safety (How safe people feel). And it doesn't have to be extreme (or deliberate) to have an impact.

• Raised voices
• Harsh words
• Intimidating body language
• Slammed doors
• Banter and sarcasm
• Side conversations and excluding people
• Disregard for people's time
• Sending emails, taking calls, checking watches while you should be listening to someone
• Not following through on things you said you would do

Over the last two decades, Christine Porath and colleagues have researched rudeness in the workplace. They clearly identify many impacts on individuals, teams and bottom line. A recent article in HBR summarises their findings and others in the field. If you want the detail you can find it at hbr.org/2017/01/how-rudeness-stops-people-from-working-together

How we treat each other is largely a choice. We can choose to be civil, even in the most demanding environments. It's one of the few things that we have direct control over which has a massive and positive impact on our team environment. It's an easy way to directly impact cohesion, trust, productivity and engagement. It also takes effort and attention.

All of us have moments where we crack or fray and resort to rudeness out of frustration. Perfect politeness is not the goal. But in situations when we accept rudeness from ourselves and others it gets worse, not better. Increasing levels of incivility become the norm of 'how things are done around here'. Looking at Porath's research, it's way too expensive on almost every measure to allow that. And it's on the rise.

Reflect on how you, your team and your business conduct themselves when some of these common stressors occur:

• Giving or receiving feedback about performance
• A new deadline, or urgent of piece of work
• A customer complaint
• The photocopier crapping out in the middle of an urgent print run
• An interruption when you are in the flow of work
• New (and probably onerous) requirements from an external regulator, customer or market
• A long day to meet a deadline
• Scope creep
• A financial loss
• Personal pressures from outside work like a puking kid, unexpected bill, or relationship problems
• Something not going to plan

Here are four things you can do to influence how cohesive and effective your team is. A single individual can influence others by paying attention to these things. It's even more effective when whole teams (or organisations) decide to remove rudeness from their environment.

1.  Aim - to treat each other well in spite of the pressures you face. Work on respect and integrity. Even when there are hard messages to deliver or receive, do it politely.  
2. Recognise - the kinds of situations that tend to push your personal buttons. What about the team? Start spotting rudeness and noticing its impact. Also recognise that different people have different levels of skill around rudeness. It's much easier to avoid if you have had lots of examples through life of people who handle adversity without getting rude. 
3. Clarify - the kinds of behaviour that you want to see, and the ones to avoid. Also the situations that may trigger rudeness. Be as specific as you can. Discuss it politely away from heated moments. Talk about what you will do when you see, experience or perpetrate rudeness. Discuss how you might raise the bar and hold each other to account. Explore where the line is between healthy banter and rudeness for your team. When people do something you consider rude, give a clear example of both the behaviour and its impact on you.
4. Apologise - when you notice something you did or said had a negative impact on others. Do it whenever you know you have crossed the line, however small the crossing might be. Accept other people's apologies with grace. Remember it is unlikely to be perfect, cut each other some slack.

4 tips for leaders under pressure

I'm kicking my year off with a bang! Next week I'm working with a diverse group of forty leaders. Together they represent State Primary Schools, Oil and Gas, Health, Environmental Services, Not-For-Profits, Human Services. There's a mix of people who founded and own their business, and others who are entrusted to lead it. Some are large, publicly listed companies and some are small. 

Together we'll be looking at Leadership Under Pressure! Regardless of sector or size, leaders are facing unprecedented levels of pressure and change. Leaders are dynamic people with a passion for getting great results. Sometimes that has an impact on their own wellbeing. Here are four tips for leaders under pressure.

Breathe - It's easy to get caught up in the rapid fire transitions between all the meetings, roles and responsibilities of the modern leader. We are not well adapted to that, but it's not an option to stop either. It all has an impact - adding stress hormones to our bodies, reducing sleep, gaining weight etc. Slow rhythmic breathing sends a clear signal to your body to switch off the stress response. Unless you are a well practiced monk, it's unlikely that you'll get through a whole day focussed on how you are breathing, so just focus on the transitions. As you are going from one thing to another pause and take 3 long slow rhythmic breaths. It will help shed the stress of what you just did and focus more effectively for your next leadership challenge. It's quick, easy and effective.

Nature - There's piles of research showing that even small amounts of time in nature rejuvenate us in all kinds of ways. Creativity, problem solving and mental clarity all improve, as do wellbeing and resilience. There's lots of other benefits too. See if you can get a small slice of nature every day. Lunch in a park, walk, meet by the riverside, sit under a tree (also a great place for a meeting) watch a flock of birds.

Clarity - A leaders role can sometimes feel like an endless repeat of the same messages. That's a good thing. Investing time making sure people understand vision, direction and expectations is rarely wasted. It's easy to get caught up in endless frenetic doing which can result in a lack of clarity. In turn that breeds confusion and inefficiency. I see so many teams doing work over because of lack of clarity. It sucks energy, motivation and resources. Make it a priority to build clarity. Even if it takes you away from your immediate task list, the result will be more progress in the long run.

Progress - For many of the things we work on, it's hard to feel a sense of progress. Take time each day to acknowledge the achievements of the team. Creating a sense of progress is a great way to inject energy and maintain motivation.

I'd love to hear from you about what sustains you under pressure.

Wishing you a 2017 filled with great leadership moments!

Add Gratitude

Several people commented last week about Adding Gratitude. It hit a chord. Some of you were grateful for the reminder. Some wonder how. Here are some practical ways to add gratitude over the next few weeks.

• Service People - Say a genuine thanks for their service in restaurants, bars, transport, shops, entertainment and more. At this time of year service people often bear the brunt of people's frustration. Stop and consider for a moment how this busy time of year is for them and what their service enables you to do. Say thanks and tell them why you are grateful.
• Booze Busses - Imagine the impact of looking the cop in the eye and saying "Thanks for the delay - I'm grateful that you are helping keep our streets safe.
• For leaders - Your people! What have you been able to achieve this year with them. You might express gratitude to them individually, or in a card. Maybe you'll do it a a big function.
• For Followers - Your Leaders! Leaders rarely get thanked. It's more common that they will see only the issues and problems that people want them to solve. What opportunities have been created for you by the leaders in your life.
• When you get a gift - Ok so it's not what you wanted. If all you do is compare your gift to your expectation, you are likely to be disappointed. Be grateful for the time and thought that someone has taken to get you a gift.
• Loved Ones - Often the people closest to us see us at our worst. At busy times of year like Christmas, it can seem like you are just plowing through endless lists of things to do. Deliberately set the intention of being kind and gentle to each other. Tell each other why you love them. Take the time to notice and tell them about at least one thing a day that they did to make your life easier, feel more supported, or put a smile on your face.
• Yourself - What are some of your greatest strengths and passions. What opportunities have you had. What skills do you possess.
• Connect with Place - Some times life throws massive challenges our way. In times like this gratitude can be hard. For many Christmas is a sad and depressing time of year filled with challenges. If that's you, if it's hard to find gratitude in any of the above, then maybe you can find it in this place. Australia is a very safe, very prosperous place compared to many other spots in the world right now. If even that seems to big a stretch for you focus on the micro in the place. Notice trees and their shade, clean drinking water, the song of a bird, warm sun on your back, the smile of a stranger, colours in the sky the sea and the land, the smell of summer rain, or the first hint of a sea breeze on a hot day.

Research tells us that a daily habit of gratitude profoundly impacts our wellbeing. It significantly reduces depression, increases resilience, brings genuine happiness, creates a sense of progress and physically rewires our brain for greater creativity, problem solving ability and personal effectiveness. It's one of the easiest, quickest and cheapest gifts we can give ourselves and the people around us. And it also turns out that the impact on our wellbeing is about the same, regardless of whether we are grateful for big or small things. I could be grateful that I'm not living in Mosul right now, or grateful for a silly conversation with my wife that made me laugh. The scale of those things is vastly different, but their impact on me when I am grateful for them is similar.

There's so much to be grateful for, both big and small. All we have to do is take the time to find it.

I'm signing off for Christmas. I hope you and the people around you find many reasons for gratitude that refreshes you, strengthens you and sets you up for a great 2017.

One of the things I am grateful for is the time you have take to read my content this year. I greatly appreciate it, especially given all the other things you could choose to read.

See you next year.

Surviving Christmas - Tips for the silly season

It's a crazy time of year isn't it? Looming deadlines, social events, awesome food. Here are my top tips for managing the craziness.

• Reassess Workload - There's always a frantic push to get things completed before Christmas. Some of the things you are working on deserve the priority and push, but more often that not, the pressure is caused by an arbitrary deadline - Christmas! Review what's on your plate. Be ruthless about what definitely needs to be done now and what could wait to January or even February. For one of my coaching clients this week, just having permission to consider that it might not all be urgent allowed for clearer decisions. In the long run it will also equal better quality work.
• Clarify Expectations - At this time of year we add in heaps of extra social events, more food and alcohol. We have people around for meals and celebrations. Invest time in clarifying expectations for yourself and the people around you - Boss, partner, kids, colleagues, customers, suppliers, etc. Get a clear picture of what people expect and then work out what's actually achievable. We are having family over for Christmas lunch. We started making a list of all the things we wanted to do around the house before hand. It was a big list, and was never going to happen. That's a recipe for stress and disappointment. We got down to what was really important and why, and made a plan from that. Everyone is clear. We keep talking and updating each other as things are done, or timeframes change.
• Survey Obligations - Lot's of people feel obliged to do all kinds of stuff at this time of year. Catch up with everyone. Drink or eat to much. Stay up late. A bit like work load, some of this can be done next year. It's OK to say no.
• Build Buffers - When you are making your plans, don't forget to factor time for packing, travel, organising yourself and the people around you, and down time. Be realistic about when and where you can be places.
• Help Out - Notice when the people around you are feeling the pressure. Do small (or large) things for them that take the pressure off. It might be as simple as the dishes, or taking the bin out. It might be more more than that too. Be kind to each other.
• Add Gratitude - Take a few moments out, preferably daily, to be thankful. All the frantic deadlines and celebration can have us distracted from the many good things and people that surround us. Say thanks when people do things for you. Notice and appreciate what you have. Research consistently shows that daily practice of gratitude is one of the best things we can do for our mental wellbeing, resilience and outlook. You might like to add it to your nightly conversations with people, express it in art or keep a journal. If you lead a team be sure to express your gratitude for their work.
• Stay Healthy - Drink plenty of water. Keep up with the sleep - add some 20 min power naps here and there. And smash heaps of fresh fruit and veggies as well as all the rich yummy stuff we both know we are going to eat. That will help to keep your body and mind in reasonable shape.
• Get an Elf - Seriously! The little guys are so productive and cheerful they just catch you up their enthusiasm.

Next week we'll look at fatigue and some tips to manage that.

Be Bold!

Have you ever had moments as a leader when you have felt unsure and timid. I certainly have. Regardless of whether you hold an "official" leadership role, we get called upon to lead in all manner of ways. Leading is an interesting thing to do. And in my experience it's a great way to grow. Leadership has presented opportunities for some fantastically positive outcomes and some subtle influence with people that has steadied the ship. It's also presented challenges, self doubt and a reasonable share of mistakes.

Sunrise over the Southern Ocean

 I spent most of last week on the beautiful south coast of WA with a group of year 9 boys. These emerging young men were walking, paddling, cycling and surfing and learning about leadership in practice.

There were some outstanding young men and we had some great conversations about what makes a good leader.

One in particular stood out from the crowd. He was able to positively influence his peers, rally their focus and energy and organise them for a result. His presence created a sense of calm and certainty. That was on a good day. There were other times when he was right in the thick of disruptive and counter productive action. Chalk and cheese. It was as if a different person showed up. 

We had a great conversation about it. He was really aware of the swing and said he much preferred to lead well. When I asked what was holding him back he had the answer straight away.

Self Confidence. 

He was concerned about what people would think, unsure about making the right call, not wanting to seem too confident, afraid of the attention he might receive, sometimes feeling the weight of responsibility. These are familiar themes from the work I do with leaders, and from my own experience. 

To lead is to step up in many big and small ways. It takes boldness. To say what needs to be said. To do what needs to be done. To acknowledge the efforts of others. To be responsible and accountable for your results. To raise the bar. To move between the spotlight and the background as the situation demands. To think ahead. To collaborate. 

However and wherever you lead. No matter how large or small your role. Be Bold!

Finding Balance - Is is achievable?

Work:Life. Sleep:Awake. Exercise:Rest. Time:Money. So many things we try to balance. 

People talk about finding balance only to lose it again. I reckon a lot of the frustration we experience is caused by our expectations of balance. It's as if we expect to find the magical point where the many (and often competing) elements of our life are perfectly balanced. In the rare moments of balance we are fooled into thinking that it's done! Surely we shouldn't ever have to consider it again. Life should just stay in balance shouldn't it? 

But balance is a dynamic state. Imagine balancing a broom stick on your finger tip, or walking along a rail. It can be done but it requires practice, focus and constant adjustment. As your skill improves the adjustments become less dramatic and less prone to fail. You get better at reading and responding to the feedback telling you you are off balance.

So ditch the expectation that balance will be a static state. Keep an eye on the sometimes subtle signs that it is wavering. Expect to make adjustments. Just like with the broom stick, the more you relax about balance, the easier it becomes.

What adjustments do you need to make this week?

Focus - Broad and Soft vs Narrow and Hard

When I was learning to fly, I was introduced to the Air Speed Indicator (ASI). The ASI is the flying equivalent of a speedo. It tells you how fast you are going. Whether you are taking off, landing or just flying around there are important speeds to be aware of. You manage speed to get the best performance out of the aeroplane. Unlike a car, speed is managed by raising or lowering the nose, rather than adding or reducing throttle. Lift the nose and it slows down and starts to climb. Lower the nose and it descends and speeds up. There's a window of best performance speeds for different aspects of the flights. At each side there is an extreme that you really need to avoid to stay safe. Too slow and the aircraft stops flying. Too fast and you risk structural damage or loss of control. 

Like most trainee pilots my focus was fixated on the ASI. I would watch it like a hawk to get the right speed. My focus would become increasingly fixated and hard. Trouble is, it doesn't work that way. There's a bit of lag between what you do and the speed shown on the dial. Trying to control speed with your eyes glued to the instrument means you porpoise through the sky - nose up, nose down, nose up, nose down. The speed never settles and you literally chase the needle, and the plane all over the sky. When you get too fixated on the needle you can end up with a growing oscillation that is increasingly out of control. 

To fly well your attention has to be outside the plane, with occasional glances at the instruments to confirm what you observe. A broad, soft focus allows you to see how the plane looks relative to the horizon, how the controls feel, the sound of the engine and the wind over the wings. These things along with the ASI allow you to fly smoothly and well. With your head up you can also pay attention to other important things like other air traffic, weather, and where you are. Hard fixation is a dangerous recipe. 

There are times when a hard fixation is useful. Analysing specific and complex data, and some types of problem solving are good examples. You don't want to be distracted by a broad view. Other times we need to scan more widely to be effective.

A great example of this is in sales. It's easy to get a hard fixation on the features and benefits of whatever you are selling and start lashing a potential customer with what you want to sell, in the way you want to sell it. We've all experienced this at some point - a salesperson flat out answering questions about the product or service. Trouble is there's a disconnect, none of the answers are to the questions that are important to you. It's like they are not even listening. In a worst case scenario you walk away from something you would otherwise have brought. 

A great skill in business is to be aware of your focus and intentional about it. Consciously decide what sort of attention/focus is best for the situation you are in, and then choose tools to help you maintain it. 

Goals vs Areas of Focus

We have been told for years that goals are the road to success. There's been everything from reputable research through to pop psychology explaining why goals are so important. The snap shot summary is:

• Without a clear idea of where you are going, it's unlikely you will get there.
• Setting goals that are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound) makes it much more likely that the goal will be attained.
• The goal by itself means nothing. Successful people also take massive action toward their goals.

I know many people who are great goal setters. It works really well for them. Goals help them get motivated and focussed and they regularly exceed the targets they set for themselves. But goals don't work for everyone, or in all situations.

More recently there has been a significant body of research suggesting that goals have a dark side and may not be as useful, productive or relevant as previously thought. Some of the factors include:

• If a goal is not reached exactly (like it ran late or didn't quite reach the specific target), some people find that extremely frustrating and demotivating. They subsequently lose a lot of energy in self criticism due to the unmet goal.
• In many circumstances, quality of work is sacrificed for reaching the target. While the numbers are achieved, how they are achieved is not always desirable. Some people will cut corners, act unethically, or neglect other important focus because for them the idea of not reaching the goal is worse than doing it poorly.
• Specific goals can sucker individuals and organisations into an way of operating that is inflexible and unresponsive to changing conditions. Essentially they become too focussed on achieving the goal and their perception narrows.
• There are other interesting organisational impacts emerging. If you are keen to know more you might like to check out this paper.

On top of this there are personalities and situations that don't lend themselves to goal setting. In these circumstances, goals can be counter productive. For example:

• I, like many others have a strong negative reaction to being told what to do. At my worst even if it's me telling me what to do, and I think it's a good idea, my default reaction is resistance. When I set goals for myself, it's actually negatively motivating, and I have to play all sorts of mental games with myself to make progress.
• If you don't know enough about what you are trying to achieve, it is very difficult to make meaningful SMART goals. The plane build I wrote about last week is like that. I don't know enough to be able to meaningfully estimate the time it will take to complete a component.
• Sometimes a broad, soft focus is the most appropriate response to circumstances (I'll say more about this in a future article). If the operating conditions are highly dynamic, a narrow, specific focus can get you into a world of trouble.
• Some goals are about creating new habits or just getting more focussed. Consistency over time, just showing up and taking action are more effective than driving for something specific.

That's where Areas of Focus come in. Rather than setting a specific goal an area of focus simply determines where you will focus your energy and attention. For those of us that don't like to be told what to do the softer focus brings greater energy and enthusiasm to related tasks. 

If you are a habitual and successful goal setter, I certainly wouldn't recommend you change what you are doing, but if you have not found goals to be useful, you might like to choose an area of focus.

Ask yourself - Where can I most fruitfully direct my energy and attention? Why is this area of focus important right now? Am I clear about what the vision is for this area of focus? Who else needs to be involved and how can I make it clear to them?

Once your area of focus is decided, the same rules apply as for goals - turn up and take massive action. That's the secret ingredient that makes stuff possible. If you want a great and inspiring example of massive action to get a result check out Jack Andraka, a teenager who is making significant progress in cancer research. The volume of work he has undertaken is impressive. 

Stacking the Deck with Jokers

Group Think for Leaders

There's a phenomenon in survival and safety/accident research where people increase their exposure to risk by getting away with inherently risky acts. Getting away with it creates a mental model that doesn't see the risk, or believes the activity to be safe. In some cases, this is compounded by the fact that every time the activity is repeated it builds up more "energy" for a failure.

A good example of this is people texting while driving. The first time someone does it, they feel uncertain and nervous. Nothing bad happens so they do it again, maybe giving even more time to the screen. Gradually they desensitise themselves to the risk, feeling like it does not apply to them.

I call it "Stacking the deck with Jokers". At some point, someone will brake suddenly in front of them. They are unprepared, not alert, and have no plan in mind. They have no "real" cards to play. The research shows people in this state become victims of accidents that were totally obvious and predictable to others. If they survive, they report being completely taken by surprise...

We do this in the business environment as well. It looks like a lack of self leadership - ignoring an intuitive sense that something isn't quite right, following someone else's lead with blind faith, developing a sense of complacency with team members or customers.

There are some simple measures to avoid falling into this state. A friend demonstrated them beautifully as a pilot in a close formation flying display. It was led by a well known and respected pilot of considerable experience. The weather was marginal for flying to the extent that any good flying instructor would caution their students never to fly under those conditions. He described the lead up to take off:

• exhilaration for being part of it
• busy, focused on ensuring his preflight checks were thorough and complete
• a sense of peer pressure (we have a display to put on, everyone else seems happy to go)
• unquestioning faith in the experience, qualification and leadership of the pilot in charge - "if he thinks its safe with all his experience, I will follow him"
• a small niggling feeling of doubt about the weather

At the last moment he aborted his takeoff. The others completed their flight uneventfully, stacking the deck with jokers like "its OK to fly in conditions like that".

What made it possible for my friend to abort? It was all about self leadership:

Intuition - He paid attention to the small but persistent intuitive feeling that he was putting himself and others at risk.
Self Examination - He began to ask questions like "Would I fly in these conditions under normal circumstances?"
Backing himself - He "switched on" his own training, experience, judgment and thinking and assessed the situation himself, rather than just following the group.
Courage - He exercised the courage of the self leader, and took a decision that was possibly unpopular with the leader and his peers

People who apply these principles are of great value to themselves and those around them - they make it possible to "see" risky mental models and make sound choices. They stack the deck in their favour. Those are valuable skills in leadership.

Is there anyone you follow blindly - especially if it is detrimental to yourself, others and the results you are trying to achieve? What would you need to do to exercise more judgement and self leadership in that situation?

9 tips for a DIY retreat

A retreat is an intentional withdrawal from work to renew recharge and reflect. It's different from a holiday which usually just involves taking time out purely for relaxation. People on retreat generally have something specific they wish to gain and/or leave behind. Perhaps you like the idea of a retreat and you have a preference for DIY, rather than joining a program run by someone else. A DIY retreat is a great thing to do if you can structure the time to be effective for you. Here's some tips for DIY'ers.

1. Choose a location that is dramatically different from your usual working and living environment. Ideally it will have few distractions and will be a comfortable setting for you. I love to get out into the outback because the scenery, isolation and simplicity of minimalist camping work for me. Others would find this a horrible place to be. A good question to ask is "Where do I feel most focussed, relaxed and at ease?" Consider both specific places and types of locations that work for you.

2. Get clear about your intention for the retreat. If you would like some questions to help create that clarity go to this link www.surveymonkey.com/r/Pilbara-Executive-Retreat At the bottom of the information about one of the retreats I run there are a set of questions.
3. Remove the distractions. Switch the phone off or even leave it behind. Make sure you can't access email or take calls, respond to social media etc. Genuinely unplug. We are so constantly connected these days that we are often reacting to beeps and pings, rather than being strategic. Let people know that you will be completely off the grid. If there is a possibility that someone may need to urgently contact you, arrange a 3rd person as a gate keeper.
4. Create variety. Spend time reflecting, learning, studying, planning or reviewing, mixed in with physical activity like walking, cycling, yoga, or weight training.
5. Make the food simple and good. Choose stuff that is easy to prepare and that you know works well for your body. You know the stuff. It leaves you feeling light and energised, rather than bloated and lethargic.
6. Don't self medicate. Leave behind the chocolate, alcohol or other drugs and anything else you turn to in discomfort. Allow yourself to be fully present and to feel whatever you feel. A few day without those things won't hurt.
7. Plan for some time just to be. Don't fill the entire time with action. Allow time to just sit and be. These spaces create the possibility of greater integration and potential AH HA moments.
8. Capture what you got from your retreat in a way that you can bring it to fruition back in your everyday life. After all, that's where the rubber hits the road.
9. Do it at least once a year.

If you like the sound of all that but can't imaging having the time or inclination to DIY, I've joined with a team of four other dynamic and inspirational leaders to bring a two day retreat to Perth on October 30 and 31. Lead By Example is a retreat designed for leaders and owners in all kinds of business. if you would like more information for yourself, a colleague, or a family member you can find it at www.mikehouse.com.au/lead-by-example/ We would love to see you there. 

Retreat - Stepping back to forge ahead

I recently spent a few glorious days among one of the best wildflower seasons in living memory. Along with a few people dear to me, I sat on the shores of a beautiful inland lake north of Perth on the fringe of the desert. We walked, talked, gazed at stars, relaxed and explored.

Some of our conversations were serious - exploring the challenges of life. Others were exploratory, creative, or connecting. We laughed and shared great food.

A retreat is a great opportunity to take time out and take stock. Some people I speak to feel they haven't got the time, or that investing in themselves on retreat is not something that they can justify. As leaders, it's easy to get caught up in the constant drive of modern work. We can get to a point of being so focused on getting things done that out view becomes increasingly short and our creativity and enthusiasm wane. I've spoken to several leaders in the past few weeks who are feeling like they are just going through the motions. Some spoke of a grinding sense of fatigue and even burnout.

A retreat creates many opportunities:

• to deeply explore why you do what you do
• to examine and reset habits
• to reflect and consolidate learning
• to seek counsel from mentors and peers
• to make time for strategy
• to gather energy for the next productive push
• to reset your intention and purpose
• to build resilence and wellbeing
• to simply stop and rest

A good retreat will return you to your work with renewed focus, energy and enthusiasm. When was the last time you took time out of the day to day busyness to take stock?

I've joined with a team of four other dynamic and inspirational leaders to bring a two day retreat to Perth on October 30 and 31. Lead By Example is a retreat designed for leaders and owners in all kinds of business. if you would like more information for yourself, a colleague, or a family member you can find it at www.mikehouse.com.au/lead-by-example/ We would love to see you there. 

The Business End of Gratitude

“There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

— Albert Einstein

Gratitude is not a new idea. Many religions and positive psychology practices have gratitude as a central theme.

Even in the realm of science, leading thinkers regularly point to gratitude as an important concept.

Expressing gratitude daily for the both the big and little things in life helps us to maintain perspective and positivity regardless of the circumstances we are experiencing.

It is a simple act, requiring only a willingness to find something to be grateful for, and expressing that gratitude.

Research tracking people who expressed gratitude daily in a journal for just 10 weeks, showed they experienced a 25% increase in their happiness.

They became more:

• joyful
• enthusiastic
• interested
• attentive
• energetic
• excited
• determined
• strong.

Now to the business end! The list of qualities above is compelling from a business point of view.

What would the impact on your business be if you showed up with some or all of those qualities? People would certainly notice. Would a client or customer appreciate contact with your business if you were more energetic, attentive and interested?

If you manage a team, how would they respond to those qualities in you? In the competitive market place, these attributes in a boss, or fellow team members have a direct impact on staff satisfaction, retention, and productivity.

Imagine then the impact of creating a culture of grattitude across your whole business! The attributes above would become synonymous with your business, including its products and services.

The simple act of gratitude can and does equate to increased team effectiveness, increased customer satisfaction, increased well-being and therefore productivity of staff, increased reputation and ultimately increased revenue.

Gratitude makes good business sense!

Gratitude is just one of the strategies I teach in my business coaching sessions for leaders.  If you'd like a complimentary session call me on 0423 193 196 . Alternatively, you might like to pass the offer on to one of your customers or a member of your team as an expression of gratitude.

I'm grateful for your time - thank you.

Psychological Safety - Creating safety with staff and your customers

“To create a psychologically safe environment requires at a minimum that you establish trust, boundaries, and a sense of control in the team or social environment.”

— Robert J. Marshak

We have been there before, you and I. We have stood in that place of uncertainty. That place where we feel uncertain and therefore unsafe. 

The uncertainty can be created in many ways - attempting to learn or master a new skill, meeting someone for the first time, public speaking, a follow up call or a sales meeting, being in a new place or team, expectations not being met...

We all react differently to these situations.  Our past experience, knowledge and how we perceive risk, drive our response. But for most of us uncertainty leads to feeling unsafe.

It's called psychological safety because the actual risk and danger may be non existent.

Regardless of the actual risk we perceive risk and danger and interpret it as real.

Part of my work as a survival instructor was designing scenarios with a high level of uncertainty built in. I'd deliberately push people into feeling unsafe and uncertain - after all, they have came to learn how they react and respond, how to master their emotional turmoil and create a sense of control within the uncertainty they face.

Their reactions, just like yours and mine are interesting and often surprising.

In a business setting, staff and customers may feel unsafe for many reasons. The results are distraction, loss of trade, down time, confusion, defensiveness and/or aggression, people making their own rules, lack of vision and direction, poorly made decisions etc...

There are many actions you can take to create a sense of psychological safety for anyone in any situation.

These are my top three. Why not try them with your team and customers.

1. Be clear about your vision. How do you see this situation or interaction working out? Visualise the outcome. Get as specific and detailed as you can.
2. Clarify expectations. What is it that you and they expect? Be diligent in understanding their perspective and be prepared to meet or exceed expectations whenever you can. If that's not possible, be prepared to clarify further and negotiate some agreed expectations.
3. Communicate often. Keep people in the loop. One of the biggest complaints within teams and from customers is that they just don't know what's going on. People have different preferences and expectations about how you should keep them informed. Be a student of this and meet or exceed their expectations. This is especially important in times of change or uncertainty. 

These key actions go a long way towards achieving the trust, boundaries, and sense of control  mentioned in the opening quote.

Curiosity and Awareness

Curiosity and Awareness temper our need to be right!

Over the last 2 weeks we have explored the power of expectations. While it is undoubtedly true that our expectations create our reality, at least in part, it's also true that sometimes our expectations are not met, or something really unexpected happens. It's way too simplistic to say all you need is a good set of expectations and everything will go well for you. 

Curiosity and Awareness are key tools to ensure that we are able to deal with unexpected events, or unexpected results.

Research in areas as diverse as business, survival, sport, military, and neuroscience has highlighted and clearly documented the human ability to create mental models. If you would like to know more about this some great books on the topic are Deep Survival, Iconoclast, 5th Discipline and Blink.

Mental models present a two edged sword.

On the upside, they are one of the most amazing functions of the human mind. They transform us from a purely reactive entity responding to opportunities and threats at a primal level. Mental models give us the ability to rapidly assimilate and generalise information across a range of settings and contexts.

Mental models help us learn, make judgments, develop wisdom, create new ideas and transfer learning between seemingly unrelated areas and events in our lives.

On the down side they lull us into a sense of certainty about "the way things are", often creating unconscious or inflexible expectations. These are precisely the type of expectations that lead to the problems discussed in the first article of this series.

A mental model at its worst becomes like a giant set of blinkers, creating a myopic view of the world. In this condition we are only able to perceive the things that confirm our mental model, even if there is ample evidence that it may be flawed.

In business this can result in decisions being made, and then a dogged determination to see it through despite ample evidence that the decision was an ineffective one. The same can be true in our personal lives as well - You may have even experienced it yourself.

When we look back with the 20:20 vision of hindsight we can often see these patterns clearly, but it takes discipline to pick up on them "in the moment".

Once the brain picks a mental model, it expends less and less energy, increasingly assuming the model to be true, and only paying attention to information that confirms this assumption.

Enter Curiosity and Awareness. They are the most powerful tools of the survivalist mind and the only remedy to falling into the trap of inflexible mental models. 

Awareness is a discipline. It is a commitment to scan widely for new or different information. There are a range of skills and tools that can be learnt and mastered to increase awareness.

Curiosity has a lightness and wondering about it, not taking itself too seriously.  Curiosity will notice small inconsistencies and ask "now why is that?" Curiosity will seek the novel, even in the mundane and familiar. Curiosity wonders at the links and relationships between all things. Again there are skills and tools that can be learnt to enhance curiosity and its effectiveness. 

Cultivate these 2 gems!!

Expectations alter Reality

Last week we explored how expectations kill people.

But expectations have another, perhaps more powerful function. They bend reality to meet us. Humans have always been able to imagine a different reality and then bring it into being. It's the source of every innovation we have ever made.

Research and anecdotal evidence shows that many people in survival situations stay alive against incredible odds, sometimes even defying medical science. It would be reasonable to think that they are people who are physically tough, or better trained for the situation that they face. The reality is far more interesting – the one thing they have in common is that they expect to survive.
 

There's a great example of this in  “Unbroken”, Laura Hillenbrand’s biography of Louie Zamparini. Louie was lost at sea on a life raft for 47 days having been shot down over the Pacific in 1943. The on the raft were two of Louie's  crew mates - the only survivors of the crash. The book and subsequent movie are well worth a look.

“Though all three men faced the same hardship, their differing perceptions of it appeared to be shaping their fates. Louie and Phil’s hope displaced their fear and inspired them to work toward their survival, and each success renewed their physical and emotional vigour. Mac’s resignation seemed to paralyse him and the less he participated in their efforts to survive, the more he slipped. Though he did the least, as the days passed, it was he who faded the most. Louie and Phil’s optimism, and Mac’s hopelessness, were becoming self-fulfilling.”

— Unbroken - Laura Hillenbrand

Ultimately, Mac passed away, while the other two survived their ordeal.

There's a powerful link between what we expect, what we intend and where we put our attention.
Zamparini intended to survive. He expected events to unfold to support his intention. He gave his attention to the evidence that suggested he was right, and to the actions that supported his intention.

You and I have intentions and expectations everyday, in every area of our lives, whether we are aware of them or not. They guide and focus our attention. For the greatest likelihood of success, all three factors need to be conscious and work in harmony with each other.

Asking yourself these questions will assist in bringing them into your conscious mind. 

What is my intention? Am I clear about my intention? If not, how can I make my intention clearer to myself and the people around me? Is my intention aligned to my personal values?

What do I expect in this situation?

Now give your attention to the actions and mindsets that serve you best in this moment, and watch as reality begins to take shape around you according to your expectations.

Expectations kill people!

In every survival situation I can think of it’s the expectations that did it.

The pilot expected to make it through lowering cloud… and flew into a mountain.

The prospector expected to find his way back to his vehicle… and was lost for days.

The lost man expected to find water… and perished from dehydration.

Reality! - No one in their right mind would continue into a situation they expect will kill them. 

In a survival situation the feedback is rapid. When you make a mistake the consequences are quickly experienced, sometimes in a matter of hours.

In our fast paced modern life, consequences may take days, or even years to arrive, but they are just as inevitable:

They expected the boom to go on and on...

He expected his staff to care as much about his business as he did…

So how can expectations lead us so far astray?
The fact is that our amazing brain treats memories of actual events and expectations of the future in exactly the same way.

“[Expectations] are stored in memory just as past events are. To the brain the future is as real as the past.”
L. Gonzales in ‘Deep Survival’ (2003).

The impact is that we tend to become fixated on our expectations, and then continue to blunder forward with a kind of blind optimism that believes the expectation will come to pass. That serves us well until there is a conflict – either between our expectations and those of another; or when reality begins to diverge from what we expect. At that point we have the choice of reformulating our expectations. If we don’t we are destined to encounter disappointment, conflict and friction.

The biggest challenge is being aware of what your expectations actually are. Most are formed without any conscious thought. for more on that see recent post http://goo.gl/dHZydF

I use a couple of great questions to clarify my own expectations:

1. What do I expect in this situation?
2. What is the impact on myself and others if this expectation is not met?

Once you are clear about your own expectations, one of the greatest gifts you can give to others is to clearly communicate your expectations with them, and seek to understand theirs.

The beginning of a new financial year is a great time to intentionally discuss your expectations in business. Are your strategies sound in the current reality? Are you tuned in to the expectations of your clients or customers? Does your team have a clear picture of what is expected of them, including how success will be measured or judged? Have you spent some time exploring the plausible "what if" scenarios for your business? 

Beauty, Sandflies and Friction

Last week I took a short break with a good mate. We spent a few days camped on a beautiful and remote freshwater lake. These lakes only fill on occasional years in the arid outback, and they dry up fairly quickly, so the opportunity was fleeting. The photo captured part of a 100 strong flock swans relocating for the night.

We were surrounded by ephemeral beauty, far from the distractions of everyday life, and yet there was a real risk of missing it all. We were distracted by agents of torment - millions of sandflies making the most of ideal breeding conditions. 

A sandfly bite is not initially painful and the insect is tiny enough to go almost unnoticed, even in their droves. But there's a catch. After a while the bites itch beyond belief, the kind of itching that has you lying awake at night, tearing at your own flesh and teetering on the edge of madness. The level of discomfort steadily builds over multiple days.

The key is to notice the sandfly early. If you pay attention to the first minor bites, and get some good quality repellant on, the later torment can be minimised and almost avoided. The trouble is, at the moment of most effective action, the issue doesn't seem big enough to bother with.

Many issues in life and business are like that - starting small and insignificant, and building in intensity. One of my Thrive and Adapt principles is "Treat the Hotspots". It's about the discipline to notice and deal with issues while they are still small. 

The indicators of a potentially building issue are tension, friction or conflict either within yourself, or between you and/or others. This short (just under 4 min) video talks about how to deal with friction effectively.

What are the minor niggles you need to get onto this week?

What's holding us back?

Over the last couple of years I've facilitated a number of conversations with not for profit organisations who provide care services to people. Many of them have a long history, being among the oldest charities in Western Australia. They provide services to people who are marginalised in our community. People with disability, folks who are ageing, others who have a mental illness. 

Across Australia, in all three sectors there is major reform - some of the most significant changes we have seen in 100 years. The primary thrust of reforms are that people will have more choice and say in the services they receive, and they will have some control over how their service funding is spent. For the first time, they will be genuine customers, rather than simply consumers of service.

It's no small change. It's taken years to arrive. It's major disruption. There is both excitement and trepidation in the industry.

In the past human services organisations have operated using block funding. Each year a "block" of funding was paid to the organisation to run its services. Measures of success were things like hours provided, or number of beds. People using services had choices, but they were limited to homogenous services that were mostly unresponsive to their voice. It's not that agencies didn't care. Most organisations and people in them are set up specifically to make the world a better place in some way. The nature of funding simply meant that they were more answerable to funding bodies, than the people they served.

Over the last 10 years or so, there has been an increasing move to individual funding. People were assigned an amount of money based on need. Funding was still paid to organisations and service offerings were in a fairly narrow band.

The new reforms actually place money in the hands of the people needing the service. They get to choose who they spend it with. Organisations are needing to be more efficient, more customer responsive and more commercially minded.

So what has this got to do with expectations that keep us here? Historically, many people who have worked in human services have done so precisely because it is not a commercial environment. Many feel that a commercial element is more likely to be cut throat and uncaring. Most of the organisations I have worked with have expressed an expectation that looks something like this.

“If we do what it takes to survive in an environment of margins, cash flow and economies of scale we will be less caring to the people who need us the most. It will detract and distract us from our core purpose.”

With this expectation, participation in the new models of funding is unappealing and feels like selling out. But as with many expectations, it's not a binary choice. It's not either/or. The best way around expectations that constrain forward movement is to ask better questions. "What would it take to exceed our expectations about caring, and be more commercially smart?" " What are some great examples of large, profitable businesses whose customers love their services, and the way they are cared for?" "How can we ensure that our commercial models have people at the centre, rather than costs?"

Providing a great service = happy customers. Caring about them deeply = connection. If the recipe is right you will have more customers than you can provide a service to, and business is likely to be pretty good too.

Resistance?

The time loomed close. At first light just before dawn, the group was to set off into unknown territory. Yesterday was a long day. Walking across a harsh and rugged landscape with minimal supplies and uncertain access to water. Their bed had been scraped out among rocks and sticks. Sleep had been elusive, caught in short bursts of an hour or two and punctuated by the need to stoke the fire for warmth or ease the pressure of sleeping on the ground.

In the pre dawn stillness, I heard someone throw up. Not a good start to the day! As the team medic, it was my job to investigate and assess. I was surprised by what I found. The young man who was ill was by far the fittest member of the group. Well trained, confident and competent. He'd been talking about taking this trip for over 2 years, and was planning to take on an even greater challenge immediately afterwards. As we talked about what was going on for him, it turned out that he wasn't ill as such. But he was stressed. 

His stress had him literally tied in knots, bunched and spasming muscle, a headache and waves of nausea. Debilitated by fear and anxiety. Despite our collective efforts, he was unable to stake it off, and ended up pulling out of the exercise.

His reaction was at the extreme end of a continuum of stress - the other end being so unstressed that we are bored. Somewhere in the middle is peak performance where we are stressed enough to be motivated, but not so much that we are overwhelmed (If you want to know more about that, check out the Yerkes Dobson Curve). You may well have experienced some form of being overwhelmed during your life. In that state, it's very difficult to access your ability and rationale. Even simple decisions can seem impossible. Operating at that level takes an enormous amount of energy and is not sustainable.

When I'm speaking to people who are managing change programs, they often talk about resistance. Resistance sometimes shows up in spite of what people are saying. A person might have agreed to the change, and have even been enthusiastic about it, only to appear resistant later on. The typical response to resistance is to shove harder. More force rarely works and is usually matched with even greater resistance. 

Our pre dawn bloke was stressed and torn between a part of himself that really wanted to take on the challenge, and another that was unable to face it in that moment. He was concerned about appearing out of control, and incompetent in front of peers and mentors. This is often at the heart of resistance, and often is more to do with hard wired survival instinct than ego. For the vast majority of human history, we have lived in small tribes, or communities, reliant on each other's skill and competence for our very existence. in this context, incompetence was literally life threatening. When people are called upon to adopt something new, there's an inevitable period of uncertainly often accompanied by the need to learn new ways of doing. People will retreat to the familiar, especially if they are nearing their personal capacity of stress. It's not a conscious choice - they may not even be aware that they are doing it.

Rather than shoving harder, work on creating environments where the "new" can be engaged safely and playfully. Have explicit conversations about the unspoken expectations that create the resistance. - More on that next week.