Creating a Sense of Safety and Connection

Have you ever had a moment where 4 small words had the potential to dramatically change your experience? Back when planes were a regular part of my work and life I had one of those moments. 

I was seated halfway along a smallish plane. 

The aircrew were moving along the plane from the back opening all the overhead lockers as they came. There seemed to be a sense of urgency.. 

I wondered what they could possibly be looking for. Aircrew know where things are. If they needed some piece of equipment they would go get it. 

It also seemed unlikely they were looking for something for a passenger.

If we want something from hand luggage in an overhead locker we stand up and get it, not call the aircrew for a systematic search!

And yet, here they were systematically searching lockers along the whole plane… Strange.

Eventually the crew arrived at my row.  She opens the locker, stands on tip-toe to peer in and appears to be subtly sniffing the air. 

I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you looking for something?”

Her response amazed me. It was very low on the list of things I would ever expect aircrew to ask a passenger. 

She looked me straight in the eye, smiled as only air crew  can and asked, 

“Can you smell smoke?”

Her question didn’t especially bother me. I couldn’t smell smoke, and I’m very comfortable on planes

For a less comfortable passenger the question could well be enough to have them clawing for the handles on the nearest emergency exit!

It’s a great illustration of psychological safety. For the crew, the situation clearly wasn’t of great concern, and she was in an environment very familiar to her. When we are familiar with our environment, we can inadvertently do or say something that deeply disturbs someone less familiar.

One of the quickest ways to build trust and psychological safety is to anticipate possible perspectives and issues for those around you, especially if they are new to the environment.

Time spent setting their mind at ease strengthens their trust and regard for you.

The challenge is to be aware enough of what those concerns might be, especially if the environment has become routine for you.

Where could you more effectively build trust and psychological safety for those around you?

Influencing Wel

If you need to influence someone (Or a group of someones) for a particular outcome, here are some key thoughts to consider.

• Create an environment of psychological safety where wholehearted participation is encouraged and welcomed 

• Masterfully transfer skills, if there are specific skills that need to be handed over to others

• Be open to other ways of achieving outcomes (or even alternative outcomes)

Influence is discretionary. There are many things on a daily basis that we can influence. Some of them are critical, and we should absolutely get involved. Others should be left alone. It’s a matter of judgement which is which. 

Consider these five elements when deciding to influence or not:

HOW TO CHOOSE WHETHER OR NOT TO INFLUENCE
Capacity	If you’re close to maxed out, it’s more sensible to focus on your realm of control. Nailing what you can control is influence in itself. People notice your actions. A great example of this is the mantra of the Navy Seal Commanders: “calm is contagious” Calm is something that’s within your control and has a profound influence on others.
Choice	Acknowledge that influence is a choice. You can choose to get involved or not. The old adage of “choose your battles wisely” is well-placed here. We add heaps of unnecessary stress and frustration (read: shakeability) to ourselves and others by getting involved in things that we shouldn’t. Keep your powder dry for the times and places that it is to the greatest effect.
Acceptance	Be clear that this is a game of influence. It’s unlikely that you’ll end up with exactly the outcome you want. Accept that. Lack of flexibility here is one of the ways we blur the line between control and influence.
Clear parameters	The clearer you are about the desirable outcome and acceptable limits, the more effective your influence is likely to be. Muddiness doesn’t help influence.
Tactics	Given all of the above, actively choose the best tactics for the situation and the people involved. You can influence someone in many ways. Formally or informally, heavy-handed or not, directly or indirectly.

It’s a Fine Line

In a number of coaching and workshop experiences in the last few weeks, people have talked about being right on the edge of being overwhelmed. If that’s you at the moment, I feel you! Overwhelm is a state any of us can get into. When I arrive there, I sometimes feel like there’s no way out (or at least no easily visible one). It can easily feel as if one thing is piling on top of another. Last week we discussed control. Sometimes It can feel as if we don’t have much. 

One of the sources of stress comes from blurring the line between control and influence.

How we feel, act, and think are in our direct control (to a large degree - there are times when more reactive parts of our brain and physiology take over - that’s a topic for later). How others feel, act and think are in their control. If we try to control outcomes with others it will eventually do our head in. At best we can influence others. Depending on the situation, the people involved and your standing with them, the influence might be high or low. Either way, it’s not direct control. 

A practical way to reduce stress is to acknowledge the line between control and influence. When we recognise that we are in a ‘game’ of influence, it helps to reduce stress when things don’t work out exactly as we expect.  

How well do you manage that distinction?

Next week: Doing Influence well

Sliding sideways into Christmas

What’s this time of year like for you? I find it feels more pressured than normal. There’s more social engagements, deadlines to meet, maintenance around the house and yard to prep for summer, organising family catch ups and more. Some of the pressure is in our minds… A reaction to ‘end of year’ approaching. But much of it is real. 

Here’s my top two tactics for dealing with it.

1. What can I control? - Getting clear about what is (and isn’t) in your control is a great place to start. For me, staying on top of things that fuel my performance and mental health are key - regular exercise, good sleep, eating well (most of the time), being orderly about my work, remembering to be grateful -  all help me to feel less like the year is pressing in. Interestingly, research about people who survive against overwhelming odds shows that they are very good at focusing on what's in their control and being less concerned with what is not.
   
   What can you more consciously control? Are you taking on things that belong with others?
   

2. Front loading! - Wherever possible do things in advance. It’s amazing how many activities you can find to do before they are due. It’s a subset of what’s in our control. I personally find this makes me feel more in control and less rushed.

3. 
   What can you front load and what would be the impact of that?

Reframing Regret

Regret drags us into the past. Sometimes it prevents us from taking action now. It can even impact how we feel about the future. I’d hate to see a tally of the hours I have spent in regret over the years. I reckon they are some of the most expensive hours we can spend. They burn time, energy and can even erode confidence.

These days I’m pretty good at not having regrets. It doesn’t mean that all my decisions are brilliant in the harsh light of hindsight (wouldn’t that be something to celebrate!). It just means I don’t beat myself up about decisions and actions that I would change in hindsight. I’ve recently read 2 perspectives on regret that I find effective.

Suzanne Waldron in her wonderful little book “Sleeping Giants” says that “Regret is simply this: you know now what you didn’t know before.”

That perspective makes Regret a gift - rather than indulging it, I can use it as a trigger to acknowledge what I have learnt and how I have grown.

Recently, James Clear quoted novelist Toni Morrison on her  measure of success:

"For me, success is not a public thing. It's a private thing. It's when you have fewer and fewer regrets." Morrison’s perspective makes me wonder if regret is a product of not being fully aligned with yourself. I know for myself, and many of the leaders I work with, the more they align their decisions and actions with what matters most to them, the less regret they experience.

What part does regret play in your life?

If you are holding onto a past decision or action, what would it take to find the lessons and move on?

How could you increase your alignment?

(Un)shakeable with Suzanne Waldron, Author of Sleeping Giants

Suzanne Waldron’s new book Sleeping Giants is a joyous invitation to live fully. We spoke about the book itself, what it is like to bring a book to life and Suzanne’s experiences in a Kenyan Slum which lead to the book being born. We also discussed what it’s like to live and hope. Suzanne shared some deep lessons about these from her time in Africa. Profits from the book are going back to Africa. It’s a delightful piece of work and makes a fantastic gift. Enjoy!

To find out more about Suzanne and get a copy of her book Sleeping Giants, visit her website here.

(Un)shakeable with Rabia Siddique, Author of Equal Justice

Rabia Siddique has a significant impact as a global speaker and media commentator. Like many in the conference and events industry, her income was decimated as a result of COVID. We discussed bouncing back and the impact of COVID in places outside the bubble of Western Australia.

If you wish to learn more about Rabia or connect with her, visit her website here.

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Next week, stay tuned for...

Suzanne Waldron recently completed a delightful book “Sleeping Giants”. It speaks deeply of the human experience. Profits of the book are supporting Nakuru Hope, a not for profit that provides education, food and accommodations to people living in poverty in Africa. We’ll be talking with Suzanne and Founder of Nakuru Hope Susan Saleeba about their work, and the impact of COVID beyond our shores.

Be Better with Jeremy Watkins

Jeremy Watkins helps people find an abundance of energy and vitality for whatever they are doing. I've personally benefited from insights he has shared during the challenging lock down period. In this interview we dive deep into what it means to 'become better' and how to balance that against not feeling 'good enough'. Jeremy gives some really practical tips and tools to help track, manage and enhance your energy and vitality. Free tools are available here. I reckon you'll find his enthusiasm and transparency infectious.

I will be sharing next week the talk I had with Wil Massara last 29th of July. Wil is an inspiring young man who is changing the game with his Youth Leadership Academy, so stay tuned for that.

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Thanks for joining us live or on recordings of the Unshakable webcast. I'm taking a few weeks in the bush to recharge and celebrate 25 years married with my wife. I look forward to connecting with you on the webcast again soon, and will let you know about future guests and times. I hope you are doing well in the current circumstances.

Value of Creating Space with Claire Vanderplank

Claire Vanderplank and I discuss lessons we've both gained from time alone in the wilderness (Claire on solo Quests and me on survival walks) about the value of creating space, self-awareness, the difference between being alone and being lonely and lessons from nature. Claire also shares some great tips for starting a meditation practice.

Stay tuned for other exciting guests this July.

Resilience and Mental Health with Matthew Bruce

My discussion with Matt Bruce this week covered a heap of territory — mental health, meditation, stress, business and rest. Matt’s personal experiences with Post Traumatic Stress following his military service means he speaks with deep empathy and understanding on these topics.

Next week my guest is Claire Vanderplank. She has spent up to 28 days alone on her own quests including in the Rocky Mountains and the south coast of WA. She leads people on wilderness quests where they spend multiple days in solitude in one small circle, fasting, in nature. Now is bringing together the experience she had in 'normal' world contexts like health, energy, stakeholder engagement and infrastructure, with these slightly different perspectives from nature and healing work, in her business, 'Weapons of Mass Creation.'

Emerging Workforce and Workplace Trends Post COVID with Professor Gary Martin

“We need to think this through!” Workplaces have been changed by COVID, probably forever, but making those changes work long term will require more.

Professor Gary Martin and I discussed current and evolving issues for workplaces and their leaders as we recover from COVID.

Stay tuned for other exciting guests this July.

Unboring! with Bonnie Davies

Bonnie Davies is a master of unboring things. We discuss purpose, impacts on the events industry, why things get boring and what to do about it. Bonnie is Founder, CEO and Creative Director of Gelo, derived from Greek word for Laughter. She balances playfulness with professionalism. Enjoy!

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Next week, I'll be speaking with Emeritus Professor Gary Martin, CEO of Australian Institute of Management in WA. Gary is a regular contributor to media and is considered a thought leader in workplace trends, business leadership and workplace learning and development. We'll be talking about emerging workforce and workplace trends post COVID.

Come and Join us 2:00 PM Perth time on Wednesdays.

Finding the Connection and Rhythm with Shaun Nannup

Shaun Nannup walked us through an understanding of Aboriginal connection to country. Finding the rhythm in stillness and wholeness.

You may catch Shaun again tonight at 7:00 PM Perth time in “Black Lives Matter: Healing Your Heart”, with Shaun Nannup and Ajahn Brahm, 18th June 2020, live-streaming on YouTube.

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Next week, Bonnie Davies joins us in “Unboring Things.” Bonnie is the Founder, CEO and Creative Director for Gelo. She is constantly rewriting the playbook for creative, performance-based businesses. She also creates and becomes Famous Sharron. We'll talk innovation, doing things differently, refusing to quit and ask why so much stuff is boring.

Come and Join us 2:00 PM Perth time on Wednesdays.

Fragile, Resilient or Anti-Fragile with Grant Rawlinson

Grant “Axe” Rawlinson and I discussed the adventurer’s mindset, purpose, risk and the opposite of fragility. Grant had over 50 extended and difficult expeditions under his belt, a number of them world firsts. There is a mix of mindset, tactics and strategy in the conversation which can be readily applied to the current dynamic business environment.

And to watch our earlier sessions, you may check on the playlist here.

Next week’s guest is Shaun Nannup, Noongar Elder. We’ll discuss what can be learned from the world’s oldest continuous culture.

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Here's our line-up in the coming weeks: 

June 17

Shaun Nannup - Human being and Aboriginal Elder. Shaun connects people with powerful stories of belonging. Aboriginal people have culture dating back at least 60 000 years in Australia. Shaun and I will discuss connection, sustainability, and what's important when you are focussed on legacy beyond your lifetime.

June 24

Bonnie Davies - Founder, CEO and Creative Director for Gelo. Bonnie is all about “Unboring things”. Bonnie is constantly rewriting the playbook for creative, performance based businesses. She also creates and becomes Famous Sharron. We'll talk innovation, doing things differently, refusing to quit and ask why so much stuff is boring.

Come and Join us 2:00 PM Perth time on Wednesdays.

Mental Health, Stress and Mindset with Mark Butler

This week’s conversation was with Mark Butler, specialist in workplace mental health. We discussed returning to work after lock down, practical things leaders and organisations can do to address the roughly 30% of people who will return to work with significant mental health distress. If you’d like to contact Mark for more information visit his website or email him directly at: mark@markbutler.com.au.

And to watch our earlier sessions, you may check on the playlist here.

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Here's our line-up for the coming weeks: 

June 10 

Grant "Axe" Rawlinson - A Kiwi based in Singapore and an adventurer that makes the stuff I have done look mild. He played international rugby and has over 50 expeditions across the globe under his belt including walking across countries, cycling across continents, climbing Mt Everest and crossing sea's completely by human-power. We'll talk decision-making, goals in uncertainty, mindset when all seems lost.

June 17

Shaun Nannup - Human being and Aboriginal Elder. Shaun connects people with powerful stories of belonging. Aboriginal people have culture dating back at least 60 000 years in Australia. Shaun and I will discuss connection, sustainability, and what's important when you are focussed on legacy beyond your lifetime.

June 24

Bonnie Davies - Founder, CEO and Creative Director for Gelo. Bonnie is all about “Unboring things”. Bonnie is constantly rewriting the playbook for creative, performance based businesses. She also creates and becomes Famous Sharron. We'll talk innovation, doing things differently, refusing to quit and ask why so much stuff is boring.

Come and Join us 2:00 PM Perth time on Wednesdays.

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakeable Newsletter here.

Join the weekly Don’t Panic - Surviving COVID19 webcast here.

Download a 1-page resource on the power of gratitude in Unshakeable teams here.

Buy a copy of Mike’s book “Thrive and Adapt” here, or sign in for a complimentary PDF copy

Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakeable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196

Don’t Panic - Surviving COVID19 with Dr. Jenny Brockis

This week, Dr Jenny Brockis and I discussed the difference between COVID 19 and regular flu, how to keep yourself mentally and physically well in social distancing, and tactics for finding the upside in unprecedented times.

If you wish to learn more from Dr. Jenny Brockis and find out how she can be of support, you may contact her at: jenny@drjennybrockis.com.

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Next week, April 1st, we will be joined by Jason Clarke.

Jason Clarke - Mindworker, celebrated author, adventurer, gold medal Olympian and popular TV chef; Jason is none of these things. He is, however, one of the most sought-after creative minds in the country. As founder of Minds at Work, he’s helped people ‘think again’ since the end of the last century, working with clients across Australia in virtually every industry and government sector on issues ranging from creativity and trouble shooting to culture change and leadership.

Jason and I will be discussing HOW TO MAKE DECISIONS YOU PROBABLY WON’T REGRET. The only real measure of a decision being ‘good or ‘bad’ is how happily you could live with its consequences, which means that thinking through those possibilities in advance is better than discovering them once the decision’s been made. Learn simple back-of-the-envelope techniques for anticipating the mistakes you’re about to make.

If you have any questions that you would like us to discuss/answer during the webcast, you may post them here. Jason and I will aim to answer all your questions.

See you next week!

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakeable Newsletter here.

Join the weekly Don’t Panic - Surviving COVID19 webcast here.

Download a 1-page resource on the power of gratitude in Unshakeable teams here.

Buy a copy of Mike’s book “Thrive and Adapt” here, or sign in for a complimentary PDF copy

Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakeable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196

Unshakeable?

Toilet paper madness still reigns supreme in Australia. It is simultaneously funny and tragic. Last week I wrote about the madness in Dunny Paper, Dentists and Disease.

On a more serious note, there are lessons for leaders in the apparent about face of Aussies.

Only months ago, Australia was in the global news spotlight for very different reasons. The country was burning. Facing that wide spread tragedy, Australians showed the very best of our culture to each other and the world. We stood shoulder to shoulder and faced the flames. Countless hours and millions of dollars of tangible support flowed. It was backed up by even more emotional support. While much was lost, the fires were a reminder of the power of people aligned to a common cause. We were shocked and grieving and we were Unshakeable.

Coronavirus has revealed a different face. We are skittish and reactive. We are more likely to turn on each other to ensure our own interests, including resorting to violence. Our blindspots and biases cloud our vision, resulting in boycotts of local Chinese business and hoarding of paper (Neither of which make the slightest difference to the virus). Many of us are expressing sorrow and shock at what we are seeing here. How can it be that a culture can turn so quickly? 

There are some key differences between the challenges faced, leading to very different responses. I outline a few below with recommendations for leaders in any uncertain environment.

So while media and social media coverage have an impact, we are also facing dramatically different circumstances. Both the fires and COVID19 are disruptive and threatening, but they show up in very different ways. 

What are you doing as a leader (whether you lead yourself, your family, a small team, an organisation, or a country) to make COVID19 tangible?

What is within your control, and how are you rallying focus and energy around that? 

In the absence of answers, we will continue to see people reactivity acting in their own interests, potentially to the detriment of much that we hold dear.

Let’s be Unshakeable and hold the line.

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakeable Newsletter here.
Download a 1-page resource on the power of gratitude in Unshakeable teams here.
Buy a copy of Mike’s book “Thrive and Adapt” here, or sign in for a complimentary PDF copy

Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakeable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196

Dunny Rolls, Dentists and Disease

COVID19, pass it on! 

And we did… this is one of the most ridiculously contagious events of modern times. Symptoms are showing up everywhere… and few of them are flu like. 

Why just yesterday I was in the local supermarket and there was not a single dunny roll to be had. Even the single ply home brand was sold out.

I rang my brother the dentist to have a whinge and got zero sympathy. Turns out that he’s got bigger things on his mind than being unwiped. In not many days, he’ll be out of medical masks. No Mask, no appointments. No appointments, no income! Supplies are critically low across Australia as people rush masks with the same intensity as dunny rolls. Experts say that wearing a mask if you are infected is a good idea, but not particularly useful for a well person trying to stay well. Given how low infection rates are, one wonders what people are using them for. Some are wearing them around their chin, nose and mouth merrily exposed, so maybe it’s all in the name of fashion.

Meanwhile a mate in London reports that China town revenue is down 50% on this time last year. People are staying away in droves. Apparently a COVID19 symptom is to be unreasonably afraid of anyone who looks Chinese! Really??? 

As a survival specialist a number of people have asked me if they should adopt a “prepper” mindset, stockpiling for a potential 14 day period of isolation at home. Here are my tips on that:

1. There’s way bigger things to worry about especially given some experts are saying this has less impact than the regular flu and is past peak infection.

2. If you do decide to “Prep” (And please don't) food and water are a way bigger priority than dunny rolls. 14 days with no food would leave little need to wipe. Dehydration can kill, and a major symptom of death is that your bum stops working along with the rest of you. Most of us would be able to get by on the non perishables and stuff we have in our fridge anyway, even if it meant eating that limp carrot.

3. Give our health professionals, supply chains and Chinese Aussies a break and adopt a business as usual approach.

4. Of course pay attention to hygiene and be alert if there are people around you with respiratory symptoms, but that makes sense anytime, not just now.

The final straw for this article was a truck carrying toilet paper that caught fire in Brisbane over night. Fire officer Justin Francis said “This is not overly common, particularly around the city areas but the main thing is no-one got hurt tonight and we've been able to save quite a lot of toilet paper.” I don’t know why the truck caught fire, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find that a couple of million Aussies intensely meditating on the need for a healthy supply of dunny rolls, led to it spontaneously combusting.

On the up side, it seems like Brisbane fireys will be right for dunny paper, at least for the foreseeable future, and I reckon if push comes to shove there will be more than 14 days of tucker in the Asian aisle at the local supermarket. 

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakable Newsletter here.
Download a 1-page resource on the power of gratitude in Unshakable teams here.
Buy a copy of Mike’s book “Thrive and Adapt” here, or sign in for a complimentary PDF copy

Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196

Thriving Under Pressure

People who Thrive and Adapt fully accept and face the circumstances they are in. They recognise what they can control and what they can’t. They don’t waste energy on things they can’t change. Thrivers recognise the flow of what is happening around them and use it to their advantage. They take action, solve problems and take responsibility for the outcomes.

That realistic take on circumstances is key. It's both liberating and intimidating to fully face your situation.

Thrivers create calm and opportunity for themselves and others. They are highly effective in any circumstances they face. They are constantly seeing, shifting and doing - hunting for the most effective way forward.

How squarely do you face your circumstances? How well do you make it possible for others to do that if you are a leader?

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakable Newsletter here.
Download a 1-page resource on the power of gratitude in Unshakable teams here.
Buy a copy of Mike’s book “Thrive and Adapt” here, or sign in for a complimentary PDF copy

Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196

Where's the Line

There’s a line between influence and manipulation. Being on the wrong side of it is dangerous. It’s like crossing the centre line into oncoming traffic. You might survive occasional crossings, but eventually you’ll crash.

It’s interesting how people respond to change. Some rapidly adapt while others resist until it’s inevitable. I wonder where you sit.

For a number of years, I was tasked with leading change in a large disability services organisation. It was one of Australia’s oldest registered charities, so there were traditions and mindsets that could be traced back over 100 years. Many staff had worked there 30 plus years. That stability led to deep corporate knowledge, but also significant reluctance to change.

My role was unusual. I had no budget and no staff. I was tasked with complex situations that most preferred to avoid. My only real tool was influence.

Influence is the process of getting someone to act and/or think the way you want them too. We influence people all the time. Partners, kids, colleagues and customers. Some cross the line between influence and manipulation.

Manipulation is influence using devious or morally questionable methods for your own advantage.

Some examples of Manipulation are:

• Implying that sex will win you favour (promotions or preferential treatment)

• Bribes, intimidation and threats

• Claiming credit for the work of others

• Pitting people against each other.

These things can be really overt and clearly over the line or much subtler. The TV reality show Survivor is built on manipulation. Everyone is clearly there to be the final winner, so they pull every piece of manipulation they can think of to win.

Examples of Positive Influence are:

• Mentoring

• Building an intentional culture and code of conduct for the workplace

• Setting targets that lift performance

• Being kind to others

• Helping others achieve results - adding value

The line between manipulation and influence is marked by intent. The more ruthlessly you police your own line, the more enduring your results will be.

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More from Mike

Subscribe to Mike’s weekly Unshakable Newsletter here.
Download a 1-page resource on the power of gratitude in Unshakable teams here.
Buy a copy of Mike’s book “Thrive and Adapt” here, or sign in for a complimentary PDF copy

Contact Mike to discuss organisation wide Well-being and Resilience programs that create Unshakable teams:

mike@mikehouse.com.au

+61 423 193 196