Capacity for Empathy

People close to me have gone through some challenging stuff in the last while. Some of it has been personal, some professional. In every case it’s been caused or exacerbated by a lack of empathy.

We have no idea what is happening in the whole of someone’s life. We usually just see the parts we are directly involved in or that they choose to share. Firing harsh shots at people has impacts, often far beyond what you see, and certainly beyond what you intend. Growing our capacity for empathy is part of the success recipe.

Many people at the moment are tired and maxed out in all kinds of ways. If you are also at or past your maximum it can be challenging to find empathy. Here are some mindsets I find helpful:

• Assume people are acting with good intent, and to the best of their ability. What they are doing may not be ideal, but chances are they are doing the best they can with what they have.

• Be Kind. Don’t fire harsh/cruel/provocative shots. There’s a saying that is attributed to many people, who knows where it actually came from - It suggests “Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful.” It’s great advice. Ideally tick all 4, but I reckon at least 3 of 4 is the threshold. Be especially mindful of this if you are feeling hurt or unjustly treated. Start with yourself - sometimes we can be our own harshest critic - My inner voice can say unkind things to me I would never say to someone else.

• Focus on issues, not people. Help the people around you to do the same. A sub standard piece of work needs to be sorted, but don’t use it to attack the individual. Even if there are serious performance issues, deal with issues, don’t attack the person.

• If you do stuff this up (and all of us have moments where we are more reactive than we wanted to be) genuinely apologise and do your best to repair the damage. Extend grace to others when they are trying to fix things with you.

When we are overloaded, tired, sick, hurting, grieving or struggling in other ways, none of this is easy. But it always gets us further and faster than the alternatives.

Slow Death of an Option

Our leader from last week had decided to ‘kill off an option’. It turned out the decision was quickly and easily made when examined in the light of Capacity and her intended direction.

Implementing the decision will take longer. It’s tempting once a decision has been made, to rush toward the end state. Sometimes we can and it’s the best thing to do. Sometimes we have to move slower.

Her decision executed well will require some planning time, pitching her most preferred alternative to her current boss, plus recruitment and training time in a tight market. All up, that may take 8-12 weeks.

She’d love to rush forward, but the higher value comes now from doing it well. That will set her up for longer term success.

Do the options you need to kill need a quick death or a slow one?

Decide - Choosing Leadership Capacity

I was coaching a dynamic younger leader who has some ambitious goals for herself and business. The biggest barrier she faces is Capacity. Her week is filled to bursting point with highly focussed activity. We mapped the week, and there is very little space. She is very efficient as well, so the gains from doing things better are small and far between.

What really stood out was one massive commitment she has. It’s important, but not aligned with where she is heading. I asked what is stopping her from moving on from it. It is a potential opportunity. It’s aligned with her values and she feels she could make a difference by following it. I was reminded of advice from one of my mentors Matt Church. Matt, unpacked the meaning of the word decide for me - it literally means “To kill off options”. For me, that insight was liberating.

Every day as leaders and in life, we are faced with more options than we have capacity to deal with. Many of them are exciting, interesting and valid.

The young leader said, “I’m just spreading myself too thin”.

Can you relate to that? I know I can from time to time, although I’m getting better at it.

“Killing an option” is a useful frame. It doesn’t mean that it’s a bad option, in fact it’s only a challenge if it’s a great option. If it’s not 100% aligned with our primary direction and highest order priorities then kill it off (at least for now). Doing so liberates time, energy and headspace which all = Capacity.

Are there options you need to kill?

Increasing Capacity

I recently did a VO2 Max test. It’s a measure of aerobic fitness - The higher your score the higher your capacity for physical work. It’s a measure of my current ‘set point’ for aerobic Capability. It wasn’t great. Above average, but only just.

Any aspect of our leadership also has a ‘set point’ for capacity. It’s the limit we can currently hold.

There are 2 ways to increase Capacity

1. Make more space by removing other loads. For leaders examples might be outsourcing low value tasks, focussing on highest order priorities, removing distractions (eg turning off message notifications). In my VO2 Max example this would be like accepting my current time to walk 5km, and making the time by prioritising it over, say Netflix. Making space is about priority and choices. Removing or reducing something to make more space for something else.

2. Increase Capability. For leaders examples might be increasing skills in delegation, decision making, critical thinking, direction setting, team leadership or technical abilities related to role. For my VO2 Max, I could build up to running 5km. Now I can cover the same distance in less time. Capability is about learning, stress testing and developing either skill or resilience for a level of work. BTW that usually requires making some space for it, at least in the short term.

What could you let go of to create greater Capacity?

What could you focus on to create greater Capacity?

What areas could you develop greater Capacity in?

Now… I’m off for a run.

That's Encouraging

Encouragement is twice as likely as criticism to create improvement, said Col Fink on Linked In. I asked Col if he had any data to back it up. ‘It feels intuitively right’ said Col. I agree. And there are some numbers too.

Losada and Heaphy did research looking at this in 2004. They don't quantify what "high" vs "medium" performance actually looks like. There has been significant criticism of their methodology since. I reckon as leaders, there are several actionable observations, regardless of validity of the numbers.

1. There is a disproportionate effect of positive reflection vs criticism - this spans territory like saying thanks and well done, gratitude practices, feedback and more.

2. 'Room for improvement' observations have greater traction in an environment biased toward the positive. Maybe that's because it feels like the person making the observations actually cares about us and notices the good stuff too.

3. We are biased to notice problems. I reckon that's the engine room of human success. We notice stuff and forget after improving it. This bias also reduces the likelihood that we'll repeat mistakes. That's the upside. The downside is we feel as if we are not getting anywhere especially in situations when the work is not physically visible or tangible. Positive reflection creates a sense of progress - It's a modern leadership imperative!

4. Whether praising or criticising (self or others) the good stuff happens when we are as clear and specific as possible. "Good Job" is less useful than "The simple layout of that project plan really helped me get my head around it. Thanks for the effort you put into that."

It's counterintuitive to pause and reflect positively on what’s been achieved. You'll be more likely to focus on the intense transactional cadence of getting the next thing done - but it has massive ROI. I reckon Col Fink's intuitive 2:1 is somewhere near the mark and it may even be higher.

How can you encourage someone right now?

Great Questions

I’ve been a fan of great questions my whole life. They have a way, when asked well, of opening and deepening really interesting conversations. Over the years I have kept notebooks filled with great questions I have heard. I was recently interviewed on Sonia Nolan’s “My Warm Table” podcast. Sonia combines questions about food, family and expertise that result in a dramatically different type of conversation. I’ve loved listening to Sonia and some of her other guests, and hope you enjoy the conversation we recently shared.

By the way, I’m keen to keep adding to worthwhile podcasts out there. People like Sonia put a lot of work into great content. If you know anyone looking for guests, let me know.

Delegation for Capacity

Imagine a high performance foiling Yacht sailing the Americas Cup. They have 11 crew, all with highly specific roles on board. When they are working well, the boats are poised on a knife edge of F1 like performance. It’s a great example of effective delegation for capacity.

The skipper may well have the skill to fill all the roles on board, but if they tried to sail the boat single handed it would never reach anywhere near its full potential. To make the most of the boat and the team, the skipper has to delegate.

Workplaces are like that too. Without effective delegation Capacity is severely compromised at every level:

Overall Performance - Capacity is reduced because of do-overs, lack of clarity, inappropriate workloads, ineffective use of the total capability of the team.

Leaders Performance - Capacity is reduced as leaders are likely overloaded with micromanagement, having to solve all the problems/provide all the answers, frustration that the team is not working as it should (BTW this is often a leadership problem, rather than a team member problem)

Team Member Performance - Capacity is reduced due to overlapping roles, lack of clarity, waiting for ‘permission’ and missed opportunities to develop greater capability.

As a leader, one of the highest return on investment skills you can develop is Delegation. How do you shape up?

Capacity Building

Bonita Nuttall makes a really important distinction between Capability and Capacity.

They are clearly related. If we have a higher level of Capability, we are more likely to be efficient and effective, which positively impacts Capacity. But if we are already filled to Capacity, there’s no room to exercise capability.

Finding Unusual Links

What have financial forecasting, survival and leadership capacity got to do with each other? This Friday I’m joining Michael Ford, CEO of Castaway Forecasting on Nick Samios’ Lunch Money podcast.

We’ll be exploring what leaders can do in messy, unpredictable and uncertain times. Among other mindsets, we’ll be talking about the value of forecasting possible outcomes to the situation you are in. This isn’t about predicting the future. It’s about maintaining mental flexibility to deal with a range of possibilities. Let’s take a doomsday prepper and an athlete who is sure they will win. Both are forecasting.

The pessimistic prepper invests time and resources to be ready for a bleak future. If their scenario comes true, it’s the best ‘I told you so’ story in history (assuming there’s anyone left to tell). Any other scenario will likely see them completely unprepared.

The athlete’s envisaged win is way more positive than the prepper, but if reality strays from their perfect outcome, they may be just as stuck.

Leadership includes the capacity to imagine many different outcomes, play them through and anticipate what you might do differently. The key is not to buy into them. Winning forecasts add pressure if you are losing. Doomsday forecasts add pressure if something unanticipated comes along. Consider many possibilities. Hold them lightly and accept whatever reality throws at you.

If you’d like to listen to the Lunch Money podcast episode here’s the link.

Influence

Influence was the only tool I had. To get anywhere, the hearts and minds of the people around me had to be engaged. My last role before I started my business was a stroke of leadership genius. The Executive team recognised my willingness to “play” in spaces of deep change that others found uncomfortable. They created a position unlike any I have seen before or since. My role was to advise/recommend changes and then create the momentum to make it happen. I had no staff. I had no budget.

Nothing in my space got off the ground unless there was broad alignment. People had to be willing to invest time, energy and resources for anything to advance. I was often called on when a change project was not going well, so the starting point was often scepticism about the project.

The Big 5 I focussed on were: 

• Genuine Care – I was deeply interested in what the impacts and benefits of the change were for the individuals and groups involved. 

• Deep Listening - Getting a full understanding of what the change involved for everyone, including the potential risks and downsides for them was a critical ingredient. When I was listening to understand, I didn’t try to influence their position. 

• Benefit - We collaborated on making the greatest benefit for as many people as possible. If there was less in it for some, we focussed on how the change would deliver value at an organisational level.

• Transparency - When there were inevitable compromises to be made, I made sure everyone knew what they were and why. I doubled down on this if the compromise had a disproportionate impact on someone.

• Deliver or Discuss - If I said something was going to happen, I worked hard to deliver. If it wasn’t possible, I always renegotiated expectations before they were due.

Often change processes are framed in adversarial terms. “On the bus or not”. People view expressed fear, additional load, or highlighted problems as resistance. More often than not, this is evidence of people caring about the result. If you can develop a shared picture of the end point, it's much more likely that people will pull together toward it. And it will build strength and connection across the team for the future.

Create Certainty in an Uncertain World

So uncertainty is still a thing. The frequency the phrase “these uncertain times” is used has been on a steep upward trajectory since the mid 60’s. Things keep happening where the final outcomes are unknown. Some have global impact like COVID or Russia invading Ukraine. Others are deeply personal like a loss or dire diagnosis. As leaders, one of our mission critical roles is to create a sense of certainty in an uncertain world. But how the hell do you do that, especially if you are currently facing unknown (and perhaps unknowable) factors and end points?

The key is to focus on what we can control. Build clarity about:

• Overall purpose, mission, or direction. Where are you headed and why?

• How you will act with each other internally, especially in the face of pressure. How will you respond to conflict, constructive suggestions, identified problems or barriers, achievements, setbacks? The more certain you can make how you “Be” together, the more effective what you “Do” about uncertainty becomes.

• Remain open and curious. An explorer's mindset is better than having all the answers.

All this takes time and focus. Sometimes it feels unproductive. When you nail it, you can travel faster because you can boldly rely on each other, regardless of the current circumstances.

It's their job!

RANT ALERT!!!

I can't believe I'm still hearing some leaders say, “They are just doing what’s required of them in their job. Why should I thank them?” Really? How’s that working out for you?

Some leaders seem to believe that employees should be grateful that they have a job, and just get on with it. And while you’ll never hear me say a bad word about gratitude, (It’s a powerful way to shift mindset and even body chemistry for the better) this just doesn’t cut it.

Employees are the absolute engine room for success in business at any scale beyond sole practitioner. When they have clarity about what they are doing and why, and feel it’s genuinely appreciated, it makes a world of difference.

If you even remotely think “Why should I thank them?”, run an experiment. For a month, just try it. Go out of your way to catch people doing good work, showing good intent, contributing ideas, effort or leverage to your enterprise. Notice them doing it and thank them for it. See what a difference it makes. If you can’t find anything, thank them for showing up. See the differences in happiness,

CAUTION: Don’t even bother trying this if your thanks are not genuine. People can spot that BS from over the horizon.

For the rest of you leaders who genuinely get this and already make a habit of it - Thank you! Keep up the great work. How you make your employees feel contributes to my community!

OK. RANT over. Soap box returned to storage.

Clarity

Brené Brown is well known for her assertion that “Clear is Kind”.

In Psychological Safety research people give many reasons for avoiding clarity. The top ones are:

• It will result in some form of retaliation

• It will damage the working relationship

I see myself and others do this all the time. I have something to tell you but I’m not sure hope you’ll react - so I beat around the bush using vague statements, or avoid the topic entirely.

Psychological Safety and clarity are reciprocal. Build one you build the other. Damage one you damage the other. Usually our own intention and meaning is 100% clear (and obvious) to us. For clarity to be shared, we have to get past filters, assumptions and experience.

Make it a personal and team standard to be more clear as a result of any interaction with others. Some places this applies:

• Vision, mission or purpose

• Expectations about behaviour or standards

• What success looks like

• How problems get solved

• Who is responsible for an action, and by when

• Targets and time frames

• Boundaries of delegated authority

• What you are asking for

• Your ‘Yes’ or ‘No’

What is one thing you could do immediately to be more clear? What about this week? Are there any longer term projects that could benefit from greater clarity? How could you contribute to clarity? Is there anyone you need to seek greater clarity from?

Ineffective Concern

What are you concerned about? There are probably a few things that it is wise to keep an eye on and plan for. That’s not the same as worrying or fretting about them. As with many aspects of life, it’s simple, but not necessarily easy.

I try to limit concern to factors that will have a direct impact on me, and that I have little control over. With today's Reserve Bank announcement further raising the interest rate in Australia, this is definitely a legitimate concern for many of us. We can’t directly change the interest rate, but we can pre-consider its implications and our potential actions. It’s prudent to keep an eye on it, because it will have an effect.

Ineffective concern would be worrying, ruminating , or losing sleep over it. Ineffective concern would also be ignoring it.

The best tactic to reduce worry is to run some realistic scenarios as a mental exercise. Consider their impact on you. Scenario planning is not about predicting the future. It’s about seeing alternative courses of action.

Are there any current elements in your environment you are ignoring but should be paying some attention to?

Are there any that you are burning time and energy worrying about instead of exploring options and potential actions?

Get after those… It can be scary to take the lid off the box, but it’s liberating to have a clear picture of implications, then face them square on.

Kindness

Our local open spaces look great. Today I saw why. A young city staff member was flat out with a rake and blower piling up and then picking up autumn leaves and rubbish. Without her efforts I reckon it would be knee deep. I paused on my morning walk and said “Thanks, the place looks great.” She smiled.

I’ve been reminded a lot lately about the impact of kindness. It’s easy, especially if we are stressed, to be short with others or overly focused on problems and criticism. At its worst, this can even be people making personal attacks. I certainly don’t always get this right. However small those harsh moments, they have a negative impact.

Christine Porath and Christine Pearson have investigated the impact of incivility (unkindness) in the workplace for decades. Their findings are profound. Even small moments directly impact people's mental health, productivity, customer service and the bottom line. Being kind is not only the decent human thing to do, but it makes good business sense too.

At the moment, many people across sectors are feeling fatigue, stress and pressure. One of the practical things we can do to impact this is set the intent of kindness, and follow it with action.

Ask yourself:

• When, how and with whom am I most likely to be harsh?

• In what simple ways can I demonstrate kindness today?

• How can I be kinder to myself?

If you’d like some specific suggestions, let me know.

What story will we tell?

When I was working as a Survival Instructor, one of the most effective ways to create uncertainty and duress was to give people incomplete information. Humans are natural story and meaning makers. If something is incomplete, or doesn’t make sense, we can't help it, we make a story to fill the gaps. Often the stories are not helpful.

Early on in my business, I was lousy at follow up. The story I told myself if I hadn’t heard back from a potential client was that they didn’t want my services and wouldn’t appreciate hearing back from me. With incomplete information from people, I was filling the gaps. On a rare occasion that I was following up someone told me they were very grateful for the follow up. They thought the work we were planning was really important, but it was getting buried in short term priorities. My follow up was keeping it active on the list. I was totally surprised by his reaction, because it was so different from the story I was telling myself. I’m much better about follow up now. The story I tell myself now is that it’s part of my job and most people appreciate it, if it’s done well.

As leaders we operate continuously on partial information. It’s also not possible to tell everybody everything you know, so they are operating on part information too.

Tuning in to the stories you and others are telling to fill the gaps is a useful leadership skill. Ask questions like:

• What information do we have?

• What assumptions are we making about it?

• What stories are we telling? Are they true? Are they effective? Are they leading to the action/results we are looking for?

Is there a better story to tell?

Starts, Slog, Summit

I climbed Mt Kinabalu in East Malaysia a number of years ago. There were parallels with every big undertaking I have experienced. Maybe you’ll see some links to professional and personal undertakings too.

There’s several starts I reckon. The idea of Kinabalu came from a magazine article and then a conversation with a friend who had done the climb. The first start is dreaming about it, rolling the possibility around in your mind. You imagine what it will be like. There’s no commitment yet, but there is attraction and excitement about the idea.

Start 2 is deciding to go for it. It unleashes a bunch of energy for planning and logistics. There’s action toward the climb although the mountain is still far away.

The point of psychological no return is another start. It normally happens some way into the actual climb. It’s a moment when you realise there’s no turning back. It’s very different from the decision to do it. I usually encounter doubt at this threshold - Have I got what it takes? Why am I doing this? What if I fail? These thoughts and more cause a spike of stress. (More on that another time). Once ‘no return’ is accepted, it feels like commitment increases and I’m all in. For leaders, not that this moment usually occurs at different times and for different reasons for the individuals that make up a team. Recognising the moment, and supporting people as they cross the threshold is a massive piece in creating alignment for significant projects.

At the beginning there is an abundance of energy. You can see the summit, and the reasons for climbing have not yet been tested by the hard work it takes to do it. Kinabalu has over 20000 rough steps built or carved into the rock. At some point you lose sight of the summit, and start to notice the thinning air. It’s a slog. In places you can see less than 100 metres ahead. I took to tackling 10 steps at a time. Small, achievable bites. It felt endless. It would be easy to turn back or lose hope at this point. Maybe you’ve noticed that moment in a big professional undertaking - losing sight of the end, and maybe the reason you set out in the first place, you struggle to take the next step. Bite size it, push on, remind yourself (and others) of why.

Eventually you break through the jungle and cloud and see the summit again. At this stage there’s still work ahead, but you know you'll make it. Eventually you stand at the pinnacle, enjoy the view and start thinking about what’s next. Celebrate those moments. You earned it!

The way things are done around here

Most sectors are experiencing higher than normal turn over at the moment. Coupled with already high workloads for many, this adds load and fatigue. Under those circumstances it can be challenging to welcome new team members and set them up for success. A couple of clients have intentionally paused to plan beyond the formal induction process. Together we have explored creating a really warm welcome for their new team members, giving the best chance of rapidly reaching high performance together.

If you are in a similar situation here are some elements you might like to consider:

• How your team works together - What holds the team together, creates momentum and cohesion?

• What is important to the team? - Are there values, targets, standards, expectations or priorities that set/maintain direction?

• Are there significant things to know about the organisation and its status right now?

Are there significant things to know about the organisation and its status right now?

Also consider whether there are any challenges for people that have been on the team for a while. For example, they may be feeling disappointed at the loss of previous team members, or a ‘bit over’ inducting yet another person. Ideally, the team doesn't want these ‘past facing’ issues rubbing off on new staff.

It can be challenging carving the time out to make sure people are welcomed well. It’s more essential than ever in the current market.

Field of Play

“The ideal solution is re-stump the house. That would cost around $80K. I don’t think it’s worth it. We can stabilise the structure and achieve a reasonable result for way less, but It won’t be perfect. Let’s discuss the compromises and consequences of the cheaper version to make sure you’ll be happy with the result”

Harry the Chippy

“We have clarity about the features that must be included at launch. These cannot be compromised. If needed we’ll delay launch until we can deliver them. Then there’s features that are essential to long term success. It would be great to have them at launch, but we won’t delay for them. We’ll likely release them over the first few months of the platform being live. Finally there’s our wish list, features that would make the product match our dream. For now we can’t be distracted by these. We can build them as we build success.”

Mike the Software CEO

Both these are examples of a leader doing one of the most effective things to reduce uncertainty - they are bringing clarity to the field of Play. Imagine a sporting team trying to focus its effort without knowing the rules of the game or boundaries of the arena. It would be chaos.

As a leader, especially in uncertainty, one of your main roles is to clarify the field of play.

Like a Lighthouse

My mate Jeremy Watkins reckons we have the wrong idea of clarity in leadership. People commonly think of clear glass or water when picturing clarity. Jeremy says a lighthouse in heavy fog is a more useful concept. The lighthouse can't help you see in the fog, but it can show the way and mark the rocks. Good leaders do that by distilling purpose and challenges down to a few clear pieces that their teams can action.

In a recent workshop with senior leaders I saw this in action. We generated a large page of current challenges. Some impact their whole sector, some unique to their organisation. It was a lot. The page was overwhelming. But they can't afford to ignore any of it. Every item is mission critical in some way. Ignorance, far from being bliss, could spell ruin.

One leader had a lighthouse moment. “This all boils down to 4 themes”, she said. She nailed it! The page didn't change but there was a palpable sense of relief and clarity about what they needed to do about it. That clarity will flow on to the whole organisation. It's much easier to make and communicate a clear plan for 4 themes than it is for the 100 plus items on the original page.

Could your organisation benefit from clarity like that? In what areas? What would the impact be of achieving it? How will you create the time and space to reach it? It’s unlikely to emerge from the fog on its own. Be the lighthouse.