Seamless Traffic?

The first time I drove in an Asian city, I almost caused a massive pile up. I was waiting for a gap to pull out onto a major road, but there were no gaps. Here, we wait for a gap and accelerate into it to cause minimum disruption to the flow. We mostly pay attention to the traffic that is coming, not what has passed. 

Eventually a small gap appeared, but it was tight. I floored it and all hell broke loose. Tyres squealed as brakes locked. Horns blared and voices shouted. A motorcycle came perilously close to crashing as the rider changed lanes, not expecting my violent acceleration. I joined the traffic and tried to settle the adrenaline. Clearly, what I had done was not the right way to do it. The traffic seemed completely chaotic and unpredictable. It seemed impossible to drive safely.

After a bit of observation I spotted the pattern. People would pull into the flow s-l-o-w-l-y, often not even looking at the oncoming traffic. The traffic would merge and flow around them, creating space. In an environment that appeared to have no rules, the rule was “Watch out for the people in front of you”. The random chaos suddenly made more sense and driving became much easier (and safer).

The key is consistency. Whenever we drive or cross a street, we rely on others being consistent. Staying left, giving way, merging (except here in Perth) are all consistent and therefore fairly predictable pieces of behaviour. In another city, you have to work out what consistency looks like. Without it traffic would be impossible.

It’s like that if you want to create a great work environment too - one where people bring the best of themselves and work cohesively for excellent results. If the environment is inconsistent, the result is anxiety. People will spend more time working out how to keep themselves safe, than delivering results. How do you spot it at work?

• High turnover.

• People blaming others, or external circumstances when work doesn’t happen.

• Sickies.

• No one speaks up. Except after the pre start, meeting, safety session or brainstorm, they are in huddles in the corridor talking about what BS that was.

• Tribal lines between teams, sometimes actively working against each other.

• Implementation fatigue which sounds like “that will never work”, “we’ve tried that before”, “You don’t understand”, “That’s impossible without better (tools, budget, leaders, etc)”.

• People being unkind - harsh words, criticism, gossip, personal attack.

The best thing you can do as a leader is be consistent and encourage your team to be as well. The ‘road rules’ might be different for a construction crew compared to an office team, but consistency is the key.

How could you be more consistent?

Testing...testing

Small tweaks ideally happen all the time. Those changes to systems, approaches and thinking that come from observing ourselves, peers and competition in relation to our work. But sometimes a big change is required… David Lloyd George, Prime Minister of Britain during WWI said, “Don’t be afraid to take a large step where one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small leaps.” I love the imagery that evokes!

Small changes can be a fantastic practice ground for bigger steps. Great leaders use the smaller moments to create a sense of safety to suggest or make changes. They can become like mini dress rehearsals for:

• Being open to and encouraging of new ideas

• Robust discussion about the merits of new ideas

• A cadence of testing stuff to see if it has merit

When a big step is needed, this practice may well be what makes the difference.

This is a set up? - 3 keys to feeling safe.

I put the document in my desk drawer and locked it, taking care to remove the key. The document wasn’t particularly sensitive or contentious, but in the current environment it could be used against me. Trust was at an all time low. One of our leaders was setting factions against each other. Information was being stolen and manipulated to favour some and disadvantage others. People had lost their jobs as a result of blatantly manipulated information. 

There was no such thing as open conversation, sharing of ideas, or collective problem solving. Dog eat dog. It’s the most extreme environment I have ever worked in. 

I reckon leaders mostly operate with good intent, rather than being actively malicious. Sometimes though, our actions can create unintended impacts on Psychological Safety.

Here are three ways you can rapidly influence it.

1. Clarity - What's the overall purpose and direction? What is each person's role, responsibility and scope of authority? What are our priorities tactically and strategically? What does success look like? If any of this is unclear, it can easily feel as if the goal posts are shifting. It adds uncertainty.

2. Respect Hierarchy - When leaders bypass direct reports to task people further down the hierarchy, the people in the middle feel like they aren’t trusted. Same happens when leaders routinely step in to deal with problems or complaints from further down the hierarchy. Clarity makes this significantly easier.

3. Responsibility - When teams look for scapegoats anytime problems arise or mistakes are made, the result is mediocrity. People tend to operate in a way that doesn’t attract attention. Finger pointing hardens the boundaries between silos and reduces willingness for collaborative work. Great questions to ask (and encourage others to ask) are ‘How have I (or my team) contributed to the issue?’ ‘How can I/we contribute to a solution?’ What is the best outcome in relation to our clear direction and priorities?’ 

When these 3 are missing, people often feel as if there is deliberate action against them, even if there is no direct malicious intent.

How do you know it’s true?

Facadism was a term coined by Megan Reitz and John Higgins, researchers in leadership and organisational change. It describes the outward appearance and dialogue not matching reality.For example, VW who were claiming world leading emission standards, only to be discovered ‘gaming’ emissions computers, or some Australian Banks during the Royal Commission who claimed to be acting for the financial well being of customers, but were ripping them off in overt and hidden ways.

Facadism is a massive issue when it comes to Psychological Safety. Leaders saying that they welcome new ideas and quality feedback often wonder why no one takes them up on it. It’s often a mismatch between what is said and what is actually done about it. 

It takes more than words as leaders. The actions have to line up. These researchers found that leaders overestimate how well they are hearing their employees (and probably customers). It's one of the reasons that leaders who regularly ‘walk the floor’ are effective. They are visibly bridging the gap, meeting people in their domain and creating spaces for conversations. You know the language of a business is true when the actions match the words.

What can you do today to connect the words your company uses with your personal actions as a leader? How can you be more visible and approachable? When was the last time you set out to ask and listen rather than tell?

If you’d like more on this topic, Higgins and Reitz were interviewed by Brene Brown here.

Breathing Space

When was the last time what you said was misinterpreted? What was the impact?

A coaching client told a member of his team months ago that he didn’t have time right now to look at something for them. He was overloaded. His intent was to have the person bring it to him later in the day. He was mortified to find that months later the team member thought he meant, “I don’t care about your problems or workload - deal with them yourself.” He wasn’t aware of the impact until he had to intervene in a problem that couldn’t be solved by the team member alone.

It’s a great example of how easily psychological safety can be damaged. Even though he and the team member have discussed it and reset, it will take a while before she feels entirely comfortable bringing problems forward. A lot is riding on his reactions to the first few.

In my latest book (Un)shakeable, one of the leaders I interviewed passed on a lesson from a mentor who was head of MI5 in the Middle East during a significant conflict. The essence of the advice was:

“You always have at least a minute to think (if not, it’s probably a ‘duck for cover’ situation). A minute may not seem like enough, but run a stopwatch. 60 seconds is a decent amount of time to think if it’s used well. And the minute you spend thinking will have a greater impact on the outcome than taking immediate action.”

Creating breathing space like that, especially when you and your team are under serious pressure, is a great way to reduce actions that damage the psychological safety of the team.

How can you create breathing space in your day?

Outwit, Outlast, Outplay

The tagline from TV’s “Survivor” reality show is a near perfect recipe for removing psychological safety. The show is notorious for alliances and manipulations as people attempt to win.

Alliances claim to be loyal to each other, but more often than not there are multiple layers of manipulative play going on with everyone ultimately vying for the final place.

People do these things often on the show:

• Take credit when things are going well

• Blame others when things aren’t going well

• Talk about people when they are not there, and speculate about their loyalty and actions

• Throw people under the bus whenever it is expedient

• Seed uncertainty and mistrust in conversations and actions.

If you want a psychologically safe workplace where people have each other's backs and are willing to share resources, ideas and concerns, do the opposite.

Make it Purposeful

What’s the point?

There was a period last year where my work felt pointless. There was lots to do. There were good and valid reasons for all of it. But it felt pointless. I talked to a mentor about it, because at its worst it felt like dragging an anchor chain up a hill. He reconnected me to Purpose - At its best my work makes a difference. I’m all about raising people’s capacity to lead, and raise the capacity of others. When I lost sight of purpose everything felt like hard labour. With purpose in view, doing the same work makes sense and feels compelling.

Over the past few weeks I have been working with leaders who are mired in a huge volume of work. Many are dealing with the impact of COVID on rostering and service standards. For my clients in aged care, disability support and emergency response there are serious and severe consequences when teams are compromised.

Several have described exactly what I was feeling last year. Their work feels wearing and endless, with little sense of connection to purpose. For each of them, taking a bit of time to reestablish clarity of purpose and link the current transactional grind to it has added a boost to energy and brought a sense of joy back to the work.

How’s your work/purpose connection looking right now?

Gratitude for Strong Women

Some of my male ancestors are recorded in history as explorers. They took part in official and recorded voyages of science and discovery. I reckon I get some of my adventurous spirit from them… And from my Grandmothers, too. While the men of their era had opportunities to officially explore, both my grandmothers had massively adventurous spirits. They would regularly head off unannounced to explore and discover, especially in their later years when they had less social expectations to run a household, raise children, cover domestic tasks and often additional work on farms or in offices in between. 

Both encouraged me to discover and explore in physical terrain and in ideas. While neither said it outright, there was a sense of not wanting me to waste any moment available to look over the next hill. In different times, without the bias of expected gender based roles, I can imagine both of them heading up a major adventure with discovery as its theme. It would have been beautiful to see. 

On International Women’s Day I acknowledge the adventurous spirit of my Grandmothers and what it has given me as a human on this amazing planet.

4 C’s for the Big Picture

There was one rock to miss. It was right in the middle of the raging river drawing my kayak to it like a magnet. I bounced off it hard, somehow managing to stay in the boat. I was rattled and the next few minutes were frantically reactive. I lost my awareness of the river, instead focussing on what was right in front of me. When a similar thing happens to pilots, they call it ‘getting behind the plane’. Decisions come late and each error compounds into the next. The ‘big picture’ disappears.

When many of my clients and friends in Western Australia describe business/life at the moment, it has the same feel. In many ways we are late to the Global COVID party. Now it’s here. Many clients work in disability and aged care services and now have positive cases. There’s deep concern for the wellbeing of people they provide services to and their staff. It’s rapidly evolving. Decisions have real consequences. They are reacting to a daily shifting landscape.

When we end up reactive and working ‘close to our nose’, just like the paddler and pilot, we lose perspective. Work seems somehow harder and less meaningful as reactivity forces us away from purpose and meaning - just dealing with the next thing.

Leaders can mitigate some of this for themselves and the people they lead with 4 C’s

• Clarity - rather the crystal clear version of clarity, think lighthouse in a thick fog. If a clear picture is not possible, provide clarity about direction and things to avoid. Give people clear priorities that reduce the pressure of decision making in the heat of the moment.

• Communication - talk to the team and keep them informed. It’s almost impossible to over communicate in high consequence fast moving environments. Make it as clear and brief as possible.

• Connection - Links to purpose/mission, each other and a sense of hope can all erode if playing too close to your nose. Be kind. Show you care. Value results. Remind each other of purpose. 

• Calm - The US Navy SEALs say ‘Calm is contagious’. Whatever the situation, panic or calm are choices. One advantage of a team is that when I am losing it, you will be calm. That will calm me. Later, I will share my calm with you. Breathe and slow down a little. We can easily get caught up in fever pitch. 

If you could benefit from the 4C’s right now, reach out. It would be my pleasure to give you some time. Book via the link or return email.

The Leadership Closet

A newly appointed senior leader showed me her closet. 

Actually it was just the knobs on the doors. She’d proudly installed them herself (and done a mighty fine job of it). We talked about why After all, her organisation has a maintenance team for exactly that kind of work. 

Turns out the knobs were a symptom of something many of us experience when we reach a new level of leadership. We are not 100% sure what to do! It freaks us out at a subconscious level. Feeling incompetent has deep roots in human experience. In harsher times, incompetence could equate to death or alienation. It’s risky territory. 

In the face of that feeling we often default to the familiar ‘tools’ of the level below, or tasks we can obviously do, like the door knobs. Usually our motivation is good. “I don’t want to overload others”,  and “I want to be helpful”. Here’s the problem though, others experience it as micro management. It seems like you don’t trust them to get the job done.

If you are a leader at a new level, ride out your own discomfort. Thank people for the little things you could have done yourself. Watch, ask and learn. Those precious early days when you are not yet sure of yourself in the role and others extend understanding are a great time to build the relationships and knowledge for your leadership later. 

Ask: How can I clear the way for others to do their best work? What can I learn about this organisation and my place in it? What were previous leaders at this level respected or reviled for?

In the recent hot weather, Mike has been getting questions about staying hydrated, this link has his reply.

Rio Report: Risks and Challenges

Rio Tinto made a bold move publicly releasing the Broderick report into their workplace culture. The report highlighted bullying, sexual harassment and sexual assault in many global operations. Many felt unable to report or act. Rio have a hard road ahead, and an opportunity to reshape themselves into a genuinely world class culture. The proof will be in the action taken over coming weeks and years. One leader I admire at Rio said “The price of a great culture is eternal vigilance”. 

It’s easy to throw opinions around about Rio, but I reckon the report presents a number of challenges and risks to us all.

Organisational Challenge - If you opened your organisation to a similar review,  would the report be positive? How visible are the issues? How are they being addressed? Is there a culture of tacit acceptance and ‘open secrets’? How do you actively promote a higher standard?

Leadership Challenge - How and where do you address issues like those reported? Broderick found a ‘leadership lottery’ where people’s experience of Rio and negative behaviour varied greatly depending on their leader. How do you stack up personally? Do you actively create a solid culture and call out abusive behaviour? If, like me, you provide support to leaders, how are you addressing these issues? We need more open conversation and support for action. 

The Risk - The report rightly highlights Bullying, Sexual Harassment and Sexual Assault as critical issues to be addressed. They absolutely must be. But… if  psychological safety is seen as only the absence of those behaviours, we do a disservice to the people in our organisations. In physical safety,  serious incidents, accidents and fatalities absolutely need critical and urgent attention, and  a well rounded approach also looks at much smaller indications of safer/less safe. We could look at banter taken too far, gossip, disengagement, rudeness, unkindness, among others. 

Let’s work the complete spectrum and create workplaces not only free of bullying, assault and harassment, but ones that are a genuine delight to work in.

It’s the right thing to do.

Explorers Mindset

Did you ever have an experience at school that stoked your desire to learn or try something new?  I had many. Unfortunately, I also experienced the opposite. 

I struggled with Physics. We shared the class with a genius. Not ‘my child is a genius’ type genius, either.  A ‘fair dinkum’ genius offered university places at 15 and went on to run a proton accelerator  type genius. 

We’ll call him Bill.

One day, I and several other ‘lower third’ class mates were struggling with a new concept. The teacher had repeated himself a number of times. It just wasn’t making sense and we were all getting frustrated. Eventually the teacher snapped, “If Bill can do it, you should be able to get this into your thick skulls.” It was the moment my physics effort and desire tanked. If Bill was the benchmark, I had no hope. 

Learning something new can be a risky business. It takes a combination of confidence to ‘have a crack’,  a supportive environment, and a willing teacher. Those elements are part of psychological safety. That moment removed all three.

Over summer, I've been reading Peter Fitzsimons fantastic account of little known Australian explorer Hubert Wilkins (1888 - 1958).

Wilkins sets out to learn how to build an Iglu from the Eskimos he is travelling with. Expedition leader Stephanson is delighted.

“It delighted Steph, who for decades has rolled his eyes at the notion, long expounded by previous explorers, that building an Iglu is ‘a mysterious racial quality belonging exclusively to the Eskimo’. No, it is a skill that can be learnt by men who, firstly are humble and smart enough to ask the Eskimos how to do it, and secondly diligent enough to knuckle down and try.”

All the Psychologically Safe elements needed for effective learning are here:

• Supportive environment - Steph is actively encouraging Wilkin’s desire to learn. Including making and encouraging time to be spent on the work. He’s delighted, and the two men are reported to spend significant time enthusing about what they are learning and putting the knowledge to use in their expedition.

• Supportive teacher - The indigenous experts in the technology are reported as enthusiastic and patient teachers.

• Active student - Smart, humble and diligent. Listens and actively learns.

How does your workplace stack up as a psychologically safe place to learn? Which elements could be strengthened?

If you’d like some assistance with that, let me know.

Everything depends on it…

And over the past two years it has taken a massive beating. 

It’s Psychological Safety. 

Unlike physical safety which can be more readily seen, measured and mitigated - Psychological Safety is more about how safe something feels. As a young outdoors instructor I often saw people deeply concerned about the safety of abseiling down a 50 metre cliff, and yet quite happy to jump in a raft to shoot some rapids.

 If you are using properly rigged and rated gear, the abseil is very low risk. It becomes quite a predictable environment from a physical safety point of view. But we are born with a hard wired fear of falling from height. That’s smart design isn’t it - especially given the consequences! The barriers are almost all psychological and it feels very unsafe and exposed. Rapids on the other hand can be way riskier. And yet it seems easier for most of us to trust the boat and jump in.

In the workplace Psychological Safety impacts many elements contributing to bottom line:

• Dealing with conflict

• Contributing innovative ideas

• Spotting and correcting physical safety issues

• Giving and receiving useful feedback

• Developing new skills

• Pointing out potential flaws in a product or plan

• Taking responsibility/accountability for results

• Giving honest estimates of time required for projects

• Open conversations about budgets, strategy, tactics and opportunities

If people don’t feel safe to do these things and more without experiencing negative kickback, they are likely to find any reason not to do them. What you say, or what the official policy is doesn’t make much difference to this. It’s all about feel. 

How would you rate the Psychological Safety of your workplace, especially after the assaults of the last 2 years? If you’d like a practical 20 point checklist to measure and improve it, send me a message and I’d be happy to send you one.

What's the Motivation?

“It’s easier when you are motivated internally.”

 It was a simple statement from a coaching client who has recently made some great progress on an area of focus. We talked about what had shifted, and the main change was moving from an externally motivated agenda to an internal decision shared with his partner. 

External motivations are usually accompanied by ‘could, should, must’. Less often by ‘will’. It’s also the sort of motivation that fades. This theme shows up over and over. As a survival instructor, you could see it in the difference between people who took action on the things they could control, rather than blaming circumstances, team members or instructors.

James Clear, author of the best seller Atomic Habits says

“The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously).”

He says external motivation will last a short time. Identity based motivation is much more durable, because you embody what/who you are becoming. Habits are the actions that go with the identity, and also supply the evidence that you are becoming that person.

Brené Brown’s incredible work on vulnerability, perfectionism and shame has led her to a similar conclusion.

 “When we develop expectations, we paint a vivid picture in our head of how things are going to be, look and feel, and—riskiest of all—how the people around us will behave and respond. "I'm going to lose 10 pounds before my reunion, so I can knock their socks off!" But what happens if you're like me, and you realize the day before the reunion, "Dang! I forgot to lose those 10 pounds!" Your excitement may turn to dread. Equally upsetting: What if you do drop the weight and not a single person loses his socks?”

Brené rightly points out that that’s a recipe for resentment and shame. Not very motivating! 

If you’d like to change something, check out your motivation. Can you make it internal? How would you strengthen the identity that goes with that?

Brené Brown interviews James Clear here. It’s worth a listen.

Prioritise for Certain

My palms prickled and my throat ran dry as I stared into the valley. I felt like running - fast and without a plan. Verging on panic really. Running was the last thing I should be doing. I was on day one of a multi-day solo survival challenge in a hot and arid area. My biggest uncertainty was where my water resupply would be. I sat down in the shade for a while and focused on my priorities. Conserve and find water were top of my list.

There’s a ton of uncertainty as we launch into 2022 (at least in Western Australia). Many leaders I have spoken to seem a bit bunkered down. Waiting to see what comes. It’s a reactive state. Seeing what comes and then trying to make the best of it. Not being overwhelmed in the process. 

Back when I was instructing survival skills, clear priorities were a major key to success.  The environment is no less uncertain, but the priorities give certainty about what to focus on. Focus informs action. Certainty reduces the amount of time spent second guessing how to respond. 

Priorities inform an approach - Moving in the cool of the day, minimising losses from sweat. They also make opportunistic action possible - Keeping an eye out for bird and animal movements indicating water nearby. Moving like that means we might head off the planned route to take advantage of water along the way. 
In times of uncertainty, direction and targets may not work to plan. We’ll have to adapt and deviate. Priorities help us to maintain positive momentum, rather than being entirely reactive to circumstances. They also minimise wasted effort.

In my business, one of the biggest priorities is maintaining great relationships with current and potential clients. Having certainty about that assists greatly in decision making and setting direction for the team.

What are the key priorities for you and your business/leadership? How can you use them to create certainty for yourself and your team in an uncertain environment?

Creating a Sense of Safety and Connection

Have you ever had a moment where 4 small words had the potential to dramatically change your experience? Back when planes were a regular part of my work and life I had one of those moments. 

I was seated halfway along a smallish plane. 

The aircrew were moving along the plane from the back opening all the overhead lockers as they came. There seemed to be a sense of urgency.. 

I wondered what they could possibly be looking for. Aircrew know where things are. If they needed some piece of equipment they would go get it. 

It also seemed unlikely they were looking for something for a passenger.

If we want something from hand luggage in an overhead locker we stand up and get it, not call the aircrew for a systematic search!

And yet, here they were systematically searching lockers along the whole plane… Strange.

Eventually the crew arrived at my row.  She opens the locker, stands on tip-toe to peer in and appears to be subtly sniffing the air. 

I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you looking for something?”

Her response amazed me. It was very low on the list of things I would ever expect aircrew to ask a passenger. 

She looked me straight in the eye, smiled as only air crew  can and asked, 

“Can you smell smoke?”

Her question didn’t especially bother me. I couldn’t smell smoke, and I’m very comfortable on planes

For a less comfortable passenger the question could well be enough to have them clawing for the handles on the nearest emergency exit!

It’s a great illustration of psychological safety. For the crew, the situation clearly wasn’t of great concern, and she was in an environment very familiar to her. When we are familiar with our environment, we can inadvertently do or say something that deeply disturbs someone less familiar.

One of the quickest ways to build trust and psychological safety is to anticipate possible perspectives and issues for those around you, especially if they are new to the environment.

Time spent setting their mind at ease strengthens their trust and regard for you.

The challenge is to be aware enough of what those concerns might be, especially if the environment has become routine for you.

Where could you more effectively build trust and psychological safety for those around you?

Finding the Peak

It was getting close to dark on what was going to be a long cold night. My friend and I were part way through a 24hr navigational challenge. Our next waypoint was the top of a distinct hill. Simple, but for the uphill walk.  But something didn’t quite add up. Small clues from the map, ground and compass told us we were on the wrong track. Filled with overconfidence and fatigue we dismissed them and maintained our tactic. We could see the hill in the fading light and we pushed harder, hoping to find the marker before dark.  We reached the summit and approached the mark. In fading daylight we saw the unique marker number ‘101’. We’d been on this very spot hours before!. Realising our mistake we saw clearly what had gone wrong. A minor deviation had become a huge loop. The ‘real’ hill was now 3km away in the gloom. Both of us had many opportunities to change the outcome. Instead we had ploughed on.  

Influence can be like that too. Choice of tactics are key. 

I often find myself heading for a ‘Hill 101’ equivalent when I choose what appears to be the quickest or easiest tactics for influence. A one line instant message is expedient, but may be ineffective or counter productive to the destination.

Consider the best options for the person/people and the situation

• Should your approach be formal or informal?

• Is it best to go directly to the person or indirectly?

• Explicit or exploratory?

• What about location and timing?

• Is it better suited to a quick message, phone call, or face to face?

Consider what will work best for the intended outcome and the people involved. When we do, we climb far fewer unnecessary hills.

Influencing Wel

If you need to influence someone (Or a group of someones) for a particular outcome, here are some key thoughts to consider.

• Create an environment of psychological safety where wholehearted participation is encouraged and welcomed 

• Masterfully transfer skills, if there are specific skills that need to be handed over to others

• Be open to other ways of achieving outcomes (or even alternative outcomes)

Influence is discretionary. There are many things on a daily basis that we can influence. Some of them are critical, and we should absolutely get involved. Others should be left alone. It’s a matter of judgement which is which. 

Consider these five elements when deciding to influence or not:

HOW TO CHOOSE WHETHER OR NOT TO INFLUENCE
Capacity	If you’re close to maxed out, it’s more sensible to focus on your realm of control. Nailing what you can control is influence in itself. People notice your actions. A great example of this is the mantra of the Navy Seal Commanders: “calm is contagious” Calm is something that’s within your control and has a profound influence on others.
Choice	Acknowledge that influence is a choice. You can choose to get involved or not. The old adage of “choose your battles wisely” is well-placed here. We add heaps of unnecessary stress and frustration (read: shakeability) to ourselves and others by getting involved in things that we shouldn’t. Keep your powder dry for the times and places that it is to the greatest effect.
Acceptance	Be clear that this is a game of influence. It’s unlikely that you’ll end up with exactly the outcome you want. Accept that. Lack of flexibility here is one of the ways we blur the line between control and influence.
Clear parameters	The clearer you are about the desirable outcome and acceptable limits, the more effective your influence is likely to be. Muddiness doesn’t help influence.
Tactics	Given all of the above, actively choose the best tactics for the situation and the people involved. You can influence someone in many ways. Formally or informally, heavy-handed or not, directly or indirectly.

It’s a Fine Line

In a number of coaching and workshop experiences in the last few weeks, people have talked about being right on the edge of being overwhelmed. If that’s you at the moment, I feel you! Overwhelm is a state any of us can get into. When I arrive there, I sometimes feel like there’s no way out (or at least no easily visible one). It can easily feel as if one thing is piling on top of another. Last week we discussed control. Sometimes It can feel as if we don’t have much. 

One of the sources of stress comes from blurring the line between control and influence.

How we feel, act, and think are in our direct control (to a large degree - there are times when more reactive parts of our brain and physiology take over - that’s a topic for later). How others feel, act and think are in their control. If we try to control outcomes with others it will eventually do our head in. At best we can influence others. Depending on the situation, the people involved and your standing with them, the influence might be high or low. Either way, it’s not direct control. 

A practical way to reduce stress is to acknowledge the line between control and influence. When we recognise that we are in a ‘game’ of influence, it helps to reduce stress when things don’t work out exactly as we expect.  

How well do you manage that distinction?

Next week: Doing Influence well

Sliding sideways into Christmas

What’s this time of year like for you? I find it feels more pressured than normal. There’s more social engagements, deadlines to meet, maintenance around the house and yard to prep for summer, organising family catch ups and more. Some of the pressure is in our minds… A reaction to ‘end of year’ approaching. But much of it is real. 

Here’s my top two tactics for dealing with it.

1. What can I control? - Getting clear about what is (and isn’t) in your control is a great place to start. For me, staying on top of things that fuel my performance and mental health are key - regular exercise, good sleep, eating well (most of the time), being orderly about my work, remembering to be grateful -  all help me to feel less like the year is pressing in. Interestingly, research about people who survive against overwhelming odds shows that they are very good at focusing on what's in their control and being less concerned with what is not.
   
   What can you more consciously control? Are you taking on things that belong with others?
   

2. Front loading! - Wherever possible do things in advance. It’s amazing how many activities you can find to do before they are due. It’s a subset of what’s in our control. I personally find this makes me feel more in control and less rushed.

3. 
   What can you front load and what would be the impact of that?